Nov 29, 2008

Don't worry...

the gratuitous blogging will end in two days and be replaced with intermittent blogging that is actually inspired by more than just stubborn adherence to a pointless goal.  In the mean time, here's a run-down of some my extremely disturbing hygiene habits and medical traumas...

*WARNING!  This post includes graphic descriptions of an absolutely disgusting lack of personal hygiene.  Seriously.  If you're a man, don't read this.  If you're a woman, have a garbage can handy.*

Last night when after the kids were tucked in, Doug insisted I get out of bed and come watch a movie with him.  I'm not entirely sure why he wanted my company.  After arriving home from our Thanksgiving Feast around 7 p.m., I fell immediately into bed fully clothed.  With every subsequent trip to the bathroom, (there were MANY) I watched in total apathy as my appearance deteriorated from bad to worse; my previously styled hair getting ever bigger and rattier and my applied-specially-for-the-holiday mascara creeping farther down under my eyes.  I'm pretty congested thanks to allergies, but I'd wager my womanly pheromones were also ripening like a good cheese.

None-the-less, Doug demanded my presence and I was too weak to argue so down I went.  After the movie, (21 with Kevin Spacey.  Pretty entertaining but one or two fast-forwardable s-e-x scenes) I checked my e-mail, stared blankly into space for a bit, and then dragged my stinky, sorry, self back to bed at around midnight.  

And there I stayed.   

Until noon today.  

When I got up for the first time in 12 hours to go to the bathroom, let's just say my visage hadn't improved any from the night before.  The mascara that had started on my eye-lashes had reached my chin.  The grease in my hair had weighed it down a bit, so it wasn't astronomically high, but it's rattiness had only increased.  

And then there was my mouth.  I vaguely remember Doug bringing me cereal at some point this morning along with the Advil I requested (to dull the throb of my left eardrum.)  Well, I'm pretty sure there was an entire bite of Honey Bunches of Oats glued to the roof of my mouth indicating that I fell asleep mid-bite and couldn't be bothered to swallow.

Fortunately, my stomach had stopped acting like an active volcano and was no longer somersaulting tumultuously.  This allowed me to stumble, on weak legs, into the shower/power washer*.  Allowing me to leave the land of the dead and rejoin the land of the living.  

The day has been improving steadily since then.

----
later

Good thing I didn't push publish because my day just took a rapid turn for the worse...

It's now 10 p.m.

After tucking the boys in tonight, I decided I'd procrastinated long enough.  My sore throat and ear infection haven't cleared up on their own and I didn't want another night of crappy sleep.  So I went across the street to urgent care.

Where I was clucked over and and finally given...

TWO SHOTS IN THE BUTT!!!

Yes, that's right.
I have an abscess in my left tonsil, an ear infection in my left ear, and strict orders to come back on Monday morning to see an ENT.  Oh, and I need to get my tonsils out a.s.a.p.

Why aren't any of  you Med School friends doing ENT???  WHY????  I NEED YOU!

 Gotta go now.  Doug made Hot Chocolate to console me.  

Maybe this day isn't going to end badly after all...

See you tomorrow!



*We have so much water pressure that after my first shower here I felt like a battered woman.  Emily tested-Kramer approved.

9 comments:

Michemily said...

I kept waiting for the utterly disgusting part, but I didn't get to it. I just felt bad that you're feeling so sick. I personally diagnosed myself as also needing my tonsils out and really wish I'd gone to the ENT yesterday. Now I have to wait until Monday . . . Have a good weekend, I hope you get some well-needed rest!

Anonymous said...

the best thing for ear infection is a non invasive medical device - EARDOC.
it opens the tube and relives the pain in seconds www.eardco.info

mountainmama said...

I am sorry to hear that you have been so sick. I had my tonsils removed when I was in Jr High. My ENT let me take them home in a small plastic container filled with formaldehyde. I remember taking them to school, where they stayed in my locker for the rest of the year. I am not sure what happened to them after that. Maybe you can bring yours home and place them in one of your fancy glass containers for everyone to see. Hugs and Kisses. I can send you kisses over the internet that way I won't get your infection.- Anna

Marni said...

Oooooooohhhh...that's a bummer. Too bad you aren't still in RI - we could have shared a room, you with your tonsils and me with my gallbladder! :)

Mel said...

Hope you are feeling better. No fun being sick. Hey email me I need your new address!

Mrs. Dub said...

wow. that sucks. but the water pressure should make you feel better.

Laurel said...

You sound miserable...get better soon!

Polliwog said...

Poor kid. Your illness hasn't touched your wit and humor, though. Thanks for keeping us 'enlightened' on your health condition. Who knew it could be so entertaining?

I am loving reading about your adventures. Though I don't comment a lot, I am lurking.

FOX said...

Poor poor Emmie!! I DO feel sorry for you. Sorry that your family is a bunch of freaks with weird-shaped skulls causing dysfunction to eustacian tubes!!!! Never in my life have I seen so many ADULTS with ear infections until I married into this family!!! GROW UP!!!!!! Do head stretches or something and get those tubes cleared out!!! SHEEESSSSH!!!

PS: THX a million for passing these genes on to my children.

Take care of yourself. Sorry you don't have an ENT friend to cut out your ooze. Do you need a virtual Popsicle or anything? I wish I lived closer so I could watch your kids.