Mar 3, 2009

Sleep in Bathroomly Peace

*Warning:  Disturbing Mental Images may commence.*
**If you go to church with me on Sunday, you're gonna feel like I've done a whole bunch of over-sharing next time you see me.**

I've been reading a lot of non-fiction lately.  It's not always fun, but sometimes it's necessary for overall life and familial improvement.

For example, right now I'm reading a number of different books.  (All scattered through-out various locations of the house and car and read at different times.)  One is about ADHD, one about Mental Health, one on Gardening and one about Organization.  (Oh, and I frequently reference "How to Choose the S-e-x of Your Baby".)

The one about organization is called "Sidetracked Home Executives" and this is my second (third?) time reading it.

Before Gabey was born, I read it and used it to get my life in order.  The system recommended, though it takes some time to set up, really works well for Mom's with ADD or a high level of distractibility.  (That would be me.)  

Unfortunately, after Gabey was born, I took an organization-vacation and let my good habits become a distant memory.   So now I'm starting all over again.

But it's hard.

Really, really hard.

For example, one of the recommendations/rules is to get up half an hour before your kids.  That way, you can shower and dress before they get up and you're ready to start your day.  This is excellent and sound advice.  

In theory.  

In reality, my kids get up WAY too early.  I'm a night owl and I'd much rather sleep until 9 and let the little hellions fend for themselves.  But THAT tends to backfire and always results in a big mess in the kitchen and Max putting three cups of sugar on his oatmeal.  Oh, and me spending the day in sweats; bra-less and make-up-less.  Which isn't the breakfast of champions.

So I've resolved to do better.  Actually, I've resolved to have Doug force me to do better.  This means, he (literally) drags me out of bed at 6:30, gives me a swift smack on the rear, and shoves me into the bathroom.  (Oh, and by-the-way, usually at least one kid is already up at this un-godly hour.  It's just that I'm not willing to get up any earlier.)

This has been working relatively well until today.  Today we (I) hit a snag.

The problem is, we have a hamper in our bathroom.  

Why is this a problem???  Because when it's pulled in front of the toilet and a sweatshirt is sitting on the lid, it makes a perfect headrest.  For me.  When I'm sitting on the...*eh-hem* throne.

At which point...I fall asleep.  

That's what happened this morning.  I fell asleep.  For a good 15 minutes by my estimate.

So when I woke up with dropped trou and wicker marks embedded deeply into my forehead, I just gave up trying and went back to bed.  

***IMPORTANT!  Doug had neglected to pull up the comforter, so really, this is all his fault.  The book, which I forced Doug to read, clearly states that an unmade bed acts as a high-powered magnet to pull a Sidetracked Home Executive, like myself, back in.***

I nestled back into my cocoon of Nova-Form Mattress Topper and Synthetic-Down Comforter bliss.  And of course, fell immediately back to sleep.  

Unfortunately, it wasn't the peaceful sleep of the innocent.  It was restless and haunted by the knowledge that Doug was still somewhere in the house and might at any moment discover my treachery.  Which he did.  Just before he left for work at at 6:50.  
This time, when he grabbed me by the ankles to yank me from bed, he was far less gentle.  And there was considerable "tsk-tsk"ing and reprimanding accompanying this second shove into the bathroom.

This evening when he recollected my fall from grace he said, "It's like living with a 12-year-old!"


I don't know If I can handle this kind of abuse to body, mind, and spirit.  I don't know if a clean house and orderly life are worth it!  Do YOU?!?!?

I think I'm going to use my Pottery Teaching money to hire a Mama-san to clean for me!

And then I'm going back to reading fiction!!!



Anonymous said...

oh my gosh I love you. I'm a sidetracked home executive too! and I hate getting up early. and I too go all day braless and makeupless. LOL its not the breakfast of champions :)

okay I need to go finish the post!

Linz said...

YOu are so great! Poor Michael has had to push me out of bed our whole marriage. This year has been better, but I totally get the pull of the bed! Good luck!

Kristen said...

Having a newly diagnosed ADHD kid and trying to figure all of that out, I'd love to hear more about the book you are reading and what you are learning/trying etc. sometime. After you get all organized and everything, of course. :)

DianeM said...

Oh Em, I hope you never change. You're perfectly imperfect and I love you for it. If you really must get a handle on things, here's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. I say play to your strengths. You're a night person, so clean the house, do the dishes, fold the laundry and do whatever else you need to do at night. Then sleep in as late as humanly possible. I love nothing better than waking to a clean house in the morning. Cleaning at night is the only way this is possible (plus you have Doogie to help out, RIGHT DOUG!!) Big hugs:)

Bartimaeus said...

I have subsequently moved the hamper.

Oh and thanks Di!

Robert and Tannya said...

Seriously, get your sleep. We stay up late to get everything done we can't during the day, and in order to be patient and functioning we need sleep...right? So sleep. Whats a little extra sugar in Max's outmeal?

Garity said...

I have been trying this for years! I used to be a morning person (Army days when a nice jog at 5am was 'wonderful') but now I'm a complete night owl and am lucky to roll out of bed by 8am. I agree with other comments, I love waking up to a cleaner house that I have worked on the night before! If you figure out the secret to happy mornings though then please share! (I'm afraid it may have something to do with coffee since I was an avid coffe drinker when I was a morning person and when I more happy mornings)

Anonymous said...

So not worth it! I love sleeping in too!

Linda M said...

I so identify with you and this. A good friend told me that "if you come to see me, you are welcome anytime, if you come to see my house, I want 2 weeks notice." I quit dusting after that.

Beeswax said...

I can't believe you fell asleep on the pot.

I totally leave my bed unmade. I sneak in and pull up the covers and read a few pages (if it is non fiction, I read history, which isn't guilt-inducing, unless it is about poorly treated minorities in America, like American Indians or slaves) at least 4 times a day. Is like therapy for me.

I've been reading the disease-proofing you kids book on and off, too. But it makes me feel guilty, cause I usually read it while I eat girl scout cookies. But then, I don't usually share the cookies with my kids, so maybe they won't grow up and get cancer because their mom is selfish with samoas. But I don't think that is the point of the book.