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My mom died at 12:18 a.m. on March 21st, 2013. We thought maybe she held out for 18 minutes because she wanted to die on the first day of spring. (Sometimes you try to find solace and meaning in the meaningless when terrible things happen.) Unfortunately, the first day of Spring last year came early. It was March 20th. Some weird calendar anomaly. She missed it by 18 minutes.
Also, I want to note that she did not die with a smile on her face, nor did she make a rainbow appear over her house the day she died. It was just a normal, stupid, ugly, cold, gray, Utah winter day. (Months before she died, I demanded she make a rainbow appear for me since she subjected me to the depressing song "I'll Build You a Rainbow" multiple times throughout my childhood. Alas, no rainbow.)
Her death was not pretty. It wasn't quick. It wasn't painless. It wasn't quiet or peaceful. It wasn't easy on her. Or us. And it wasn't (at least for me) a spiritual experience. It was just terrible. The days leading up to it? Pretty terrible too. Everything that came after? Terrible. I'm just going to go ahead and emphasize again that it sucked and we don't even say "suck" in our family. (Okay, fine. I do.)
FORTUNATELY, when I think of my mom, I don't (usually) think of her death. Fortunately, I have many more pleasant things to remember her by. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the 'words of wisdom' she left implanted in my brain. These are a few of her common sayings that come readily to mind:
"Everything looks brighter in the morning."
I spent many nights as a kid curled up in her bed crying my eyes out about the injustices of the world. She would listen patiently, try to get me to calm down, and remind me that everything always looks brighter in the morning. She was (usually) right.
"Waste not, want not"
Her parents lived through the depression and she absorbed their thrifty habits and fear of debt. I remember her cleaning out jars of food with a spatula so as not to waste a drop. She told us how her dad would add a little bit of water to the ketchup bottle to get all of it out. And I don't think she ever threw away a butter wrapper (on the rare occasions we had real butter) without first scraping it off with a butter knife. (Oh, and she always ate her sandwich crusts. Gross.)
"QUIT CALLING ME FAE AND CALL ME MOM!!!"
Okay, this one doesn't actually fit into the "Words of Wisdom" category. I just heard it A LOT. But I could never take her seriously, because she was always half-laughing while chastising me! P.S. My sister Jenny started calling her Fae in High School--I was just following her example.
"It takes two to fight"
She said this to me each and every time I tattled on Jenny. So I probably heard it 10,000 times.
"The cure for despair is action!"
She got this one from Dr. Laura, and repeated it to me often when I was a teenager. I firmly believe that SOMETIMES, the cure for despair is a nap. Just my opinion though...
"I love you the most!"
When I was little she'd hold her fingers close together and say "I love you this much!" while slowly spreading them out until her arms were outstretched. Then she'd give me a hug and let me know that she would always, ALWAYS love me the most.
"Say three nice things!!!"
My mom was a huge proponent of healthy self-esteem. If she ever caught you insulting someone, she demanded you immediately say three nice things about the person "to repair the damage to their psyche". (Brandon always avoided this consequence by muttering insults to me just under her hearing level. She was pretty deaf...!) She was such a great person.
{It makes me think of what I repeat to my kids:
"Quit being obnoxious!"
"Stop wrestling!"
"Quit being annoying!!!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, BE QUIET!!!!!!"
Is this what I want them to hear when they think of me? Absolutely not. Clearly, I have some work to do if I'm going to live up to her standard. }
I know there are a bunch more of her sayings that I'm forgetting, but these are some of the classics.
And there are things she didn't have to say that I just knew about her. She had great faith and loved her Savior. She was constantly serving people. And she loved, LOVED her kids and grandkids and husband more than anything.
Love you Mommy! You're my idol and I miss you every day!
I need to go say three nice things to my boys now.
