Raising Children with Love, Limits, and the Gospel in the age of Smart Devices.

I was asked to speak in church a few weeks ago and told I could us “Raising a Sin Resistant Generation” as a reference if I wanted. This is my (slightly edited) talk geared towards a congregation of Latter-day Saints.

(We'll skip the witty intro.)

Today I would like to talk about something near and dear to my heart. 

Raising children with Love, Limits, 

and the Gospel in the age of Smart devices.

Jean M. Twenge an author and professor of psychology at San Diego State, has been studying and graphing generational differences for 25 years. She says “Typically, the characteristics that come to define a generation appear gradually, and along a continuum. Beliefs and behaviors that were already rising simply continue to do so.” She says that has been true since the 1930’s.

That is, until 2012.

In 2012 Twenge noticed abrupt shifts in teen behaviors and emotional states.

2012 is the same year the number of American’s owning a smart phone surpassed 50%. (This is also around the time I got my first smartphone after living in Japan without a cell phone for three years.)

We know that correlation is not necessarily causation, but there is a LOT of compelling evidence to support a link between drastic behavior shifts in teens and smart phones.

Twenge goes on to say that “the arrival of the smartphone has radically changed every aspect of teenagers’ lives, from the nature of their social interactions to their mental health. These changes have affected young people in every corner of the nation and in every type of household. The trends appear among teens poor and rich; of every ethnic background…” I should note that all of us are affected by new technologies. 95 % of Americans now own a cellphone, and 77% of Americans own a smartphone. (Pew Research)

The profound difference with children born after the year 2000 is that they don’t remember anything different. Their childhood experiences are drastically different from Millennials and even those just a few years older.

Obviously, these changes in technology come with positives and negatives. In some ways our children are growing up more sheltered and safe. Teens are less likely to get in a car accident, teen alcohol use has decreased, and teen pregnancy rates are currently down. For our part, we all have access to scriptures, conference talks, uplifting church media content and interactions with our friends and families, some scattered around the world, in the palm of our hands.

However, the downsides are many. Kids are spending more time “under the same roof as their parents, but...they don’t pay attention to their families”.  

Twenge says (paraphrasing here) a nationally representative and long term study started in 1975 asks 12th graders a series of questions about their activities and their happiness. In recent years, questions about technology use have been added. “ The results could not be clearer: Teens who spend more time than average on screen activities are more likely to be unhappy...There’s not a single exception. All screen activities are linked to less happiness, and all non screen activities are linked to more happiness.”

Aside from the sheer number of hours wasted on social media which tends to have an incredibly negative effect on self esteem, our kids now have unprecedented access to an endless array of virtual filth and degradation at their fingertips, and hours of unsupervised time with which to consume it. Pornography usage, as we all know, has exploded, and “rates of teen depression and suicide have skyrocketed since 2011.” (Twenge)

As we navigate the changing times and drastic societal shifts, I believe it will be the calling of all of us, young and old, to learn to harness technology to it’s greatest potential while at the same time, minimizing its risks.

In the talk “A Sin-Resistant Generation, Sister Joy D. Jones discusses how all of us, especially parents, can “fortify children to become sin resistant.” Being sin resistant, will help all of us in using technology correctly.

To raise a sin resistant generation (and I’m going to paraphrase Sister Jones) we need to teach our children to “know without question that they are sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father, (And I would add, Heavenly Mother), Wouldn’t it be awesome if our kids knew how divinely outstanding they are?

We need to help them understand repentance. Because being sin-resistant doesn’t mean being sin-free.

And we need to “Teach them to create consistent habits of prayer, scripture study, family home evening, and Sabbath worship to develop “spiritual integrity.”

In addition, we need to prepare our children to make and keep sacred covenants. To do this, they first need to learn to keep promises and commitments.

For my part, in our family, we are trying hard to follow Sister Jones advice and raise our sons to resist sin, to limit their technology use, and and to choose to be righteous young men. But it is no easy task and success is not guaranteed.

In our home, we do try, and usually manage, some semblance of scripture study and prayer every day. Sometimes we take turns reading out loud. Lately we’ve been broadcasting the scriptures from a speaker so loud that the neighbors are having scripture study along with us.

Family Home Evening occurs most Monday nights. The lessons are short, sweet and to the point because we all know the game and treat are the most import part. (At least when you have five boys.)

To further help inoculate our children from the harmful influences that surround them, especially those that are technology related, you will find that we are pretty strict about cell-phone and computer use with our kids. Just ask our long-suffering teens.

A few practical habits we’ve instituted --just relating to smartphones-- are these:

1. Turn off notifications. It seems like almost every single app on my phone comes with a feature that wants to “Alert” me when something happens within the app. Phones can be made to beep or buzz a million times a day leading to endless distractions. However, these alerts can also all be turned off. The only time my phone beeps is when I’m getting a call or text, and even a lot of the group texts on my phone are muted.
2. Read from actual scriptures. I actually love listening to the scriptures from my phone. I usually follow a chapter of the Book of Mormon with a Bible chapter or with a conference talk or BYU devotional. It is a great way to start my day. However, it’s also very easy to get distracted. If you find you can’t read the scriptures on your phone without looking at Instagram too--it’s time to switch back to physical scriptures.
3. Set tech free times. If it’s too hard do this on your own, use an app to help. (For our family, we use an app called “OurPact” that limits what you can do and when. Max can tell you all about how terrible it is.)
4. Write a family technology guide, and individual technology contracts and have everyone affected sign them. Post your technology guide in a public place and review and update it periodically. If you’ve ever been in our kitchen, you’ve seen ours taped up to a cupboard. 
   (Of course this is only the first step. The next is to follow through.)
5. Talk to your kids about WHY it matters. Share articles and have discussions. Even family night lessons. If you ask my kids, they will tell you all I do is read articles about why smart phones, or video games, or iPads are dangerous. It’s true. I read a LOT of articles. And in full disclosure, I’m usually reading them on my phone. But I think it’s important to teach my kids the reasons behind WHY I’m such a mean mom.
6. Leave phones and ipads at home on Sundays. Our kids are being allowed to completely tune out during Sacrament and other church meetings. When and how will they be taught to tune in to the Spirit? How will they ever have the spiritual discipline to tune in while performing sacred ordinances in the temple?

I don’t know if any of you will remember the LDS musical called “The Ark”. It was written by Michael Mclean in the 90’s and I still remember one funny line. Noah and his wife are having a heated discussion about their children when she says “I’m a mother! I know all about free-agency AND how to enforce it!!”

The truth of the matter is, I can make all the rules I want, but if my kids don’t decide for themselves that they were made for something greater than social media consumption, it won't matter how restrictive I make things.

Teens: You need to decide how you will use and how you will limit your technology use. Not because you feel controlled by your parents. Not out of guilt or fear.

But because you have made the conscious choice to love the Lord and put Him first in your life.

And because you know what a gift your life is and you don’t want to squander it on things of no worth. YOU ultimately get to choose what manner of young women and young men ye ought to be.

One of my favorite quotes is "You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need won’t satisfy you."

To all of you kids/teens/young adults: If you are finding that your apps or game systems or even an epic Netflix binge session is still leaving you feeling unsatisfied, try opening your scriptures and studying the life of Christ. Even for a short time. And see if you can find the feeling of joy and satisfaction you are missing.

When the games are gone and only the compass app is left.
(Waiting for "The Mousetrap" to start in London)

Adults: (not speaking to only parents but all adults) Our youth need spiritual guidance, and limits, and love. And they especially need to be taught to understand the love behind the limits. But if you can do only one thing to help the youth around you, let it be that you love them with Christ-like love.

Show them that you want them to succeed. We don’t need anyone else to be against our youth. Satan will try to tear them down, the world will try to tear them down, but hopefully, their church family (neighbors, teachers, friends, and extended family) will be there to buoy them up and strengthen them.

When we think about raising sin-resistant children, it is easy to get overwhelmed and think that technology is too overwhelming,  and that society is a lost cause. We hear a lot of talk in the news these days about “Millennials” and how many problems they have. How they are needy and dependant and addicted to their phones.

Elder Nelson responded to this trend in a talk titled “Becoming True Millennials” He said, “A True Millennial is a man or woman whom God trusted enough to send to earth during the most compelling dispensation in the history of this world. A True Millennial is a man or woman who lives now to help prepare the people of this world for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and His millennial reign.”

This applies not just to those born within a limited span of years, but to all of us here now.

I believe this is a fight we can win. We can’t give up. I am frequently exhausted as a parent. As I think most parents are. I often think it would be much easier to give up and let my kids fend for themselves. But I will not abandon this cause. Because their salvation literally hangs in the balance. I will continue to try to teach them to use their agency correctly--out of love for God and for themselves-- and continue trying to raise them with light and truth. And I hope I can help and assist my friends and neighbors as they try to do the same and support these amazing young people as they learn and mature.

AMEN!

So what do you think? I'd love to hear your helpful thoughts on what I said, or on the research, or on what you are doing to help the youth in your life!

References:

“A Sin Resistant Generation” by Joy D. Jones

“Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation” by Jean M. Twenge (in The Atlantic)

“Becoming True Millennials” by Russell M. Nelson

“Mormons React to Millennial Stereotypes” by LDS Living (This was a little video embedded in Facebook.)

“Millennials and Mormonism”

“A Plea To My Sisters” by Russell M. Nelson

“Wait Until 8th Pledge” by Linda Sharkey

BONUS LINKS:

Found this great article after giving my talk: The Silent Tragedy Affecting Today's Children

Good stuff.

Protect Young Minds (formerly Porn Proof Kids) has resources for families like a template for a Family Technology Guide.

We used it to make our Dub Family Tech Rules

 Our Minds Can Be Hijacked

"Porn is Not the Worst Thing on Musical.ly" by Anastasia Basil

"Leave the Party" by LDS Youth

"The Secret Social Media Lives of Teenagers" by Anna Homayoun for New York Times

"Teacher Urges Parents to Wake Up When it Comes to Kids' Social Media Use" ABC news report about Skipper Coates

Older Sibling Blues

3.5 weeks later:

Tonight I am upset, (at the big boys)
overwhelmed, (by the noise and messy house)
physically exhausted (bone-weary),
   sad,
fighting off baby blues...

...and then I bury my face in his neck, and smell his perfect smell, and feel his silky smooth skin and wonder how I got lucky enough to be holding a tiny new person in my arms...

...and it's all worth it.

The miserable pregnancy.

The painful delivery.

All of it.

Of course, all that other stuff is still there today--but for a second, none of it matters.  Just him and the perfect folds in his neck.

I love you Baby Lincoln!  

I'm glad you're finally here!!

(Turns out, I was having similar feelings after the arrival of baby Gray and wrote about it here.  I'm actually doing much better this time and give the weather 95% of the credit.)

A LOT of Little Boy Things--because I haven't blogged in awhile

Been noticing a few things about how the boys are changing and growing up and thought I better get some written down!

 

Maxwell:  Maximus is officially a tween.  Although he wont be twelve for another two months, I'm noticing some distinctly teenager-ish behaviors that I was hoping we wouldn't have to deal with for a few more years.  He's become an expert sigher and eye-roller.  And if we press too hard, well, he's not afraid to stomp upstairs and just slam the crap out of his bed room door.  He's starting to question his parents previously assumed omniscience and he likes to call us on any and all parental contradiction or hypocrisy.  (No idea where he got THAT from.)  He's making us step-up our game and be more careful as parents.  But mostly he's just driving us nuts.  

First day of school 2013

But then, every once in awhile, he snuggles up next to me, or climbs on to what's left of my lap, and tells me about something he saw or heard or read or did.  And sometimes, when his family is not being too impossibly annoying, he says or does something funny, or laughs with us about something, and I know I haven't lost him to hormones just yet.  There is still a little string of the old, happy Max to hang on to.  I hope it never disappears.  

Max is also growing into himself more as a student.  He usually takes care of his homework as quickly as possible so he can get back to doing something he wants to do.  He misses assignments occasionally, and Dad always goes through his math with him, but he's doing pretty well.  Max's main limiting issue in life at the moment is speed.  He want's to do everything super FAST!  He eats fast, he reads fast, he rushes through his homework as fast as possible.  Sometimes this is okay, like when you ask him to go get dressed and he's back 45 seconds later.  Reading fast gets him through multiple books a week.  But speeding through a math worksheet or reading comprehension assignment generally doesn't serve him well.   So we're working on slowing down a little.  When I was a kid, the thing I heard most from my mom in relation to homework was "Stay on task!" and/or "Put your blinders on!"  (I had a tendency to get distracted easily.  And still do.)  Poor Max will hear "SLOW DOWN" another million and a half times before he gets through school.  But maybe it will eventually sink in and even save him from running (literally running) into so much furniture!  

His other Achilles Heal is sugar.  He's addicted to sugar.  He wants it.  He craves it.  He thinks about it constantly.  For a kid who looks so much like his father, he sure is a lot like me.  I talk to him about healthy choices, about hypoglycemia, about what's happening in his body, about finding a sweet but healthy alternative like fruit.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes he suffers until we leave the vicinity of the kitchen and then finds something to sneak--like chocolate chips or straight up white granulated sugar.  Sometimes we just let him have whatever he's asking for.  Not sure what the right course of action is in this case, but we've determined that unlimited sugar isn't it.  He has no off switch or satiety point.  Any ideas let us know!  Love you Maxer!  

Cute right?  Wrong.  I hate taking all four boys into a store with me!!!  Especially WAL-MART!

Samuel:  Another school year, another set of issues to overcome and hopefully eventually conquer.  Homework trauma being one.  But I have to say, Sweet Sammy is growing up.  He has quite a few things he has to deal with, but slowly and surely, he's figuring them out.  How to not get overwhelmed.  How to respond to his own anger and/or frustration.  So much of what trips up Sammy is in his head.  His own thoughts telling him he can't do something or it's too hard, or too much.  But he's getting better.  And generally, once he gets into a routine, things get even easier for him.  

You're witnessing a miracle right here!

He, like Max, is still a voracious reader and that helps.  If nothing else is going his way (Wii remotes not charged!  Netflix not working!  AND ALL THIS ON THE ONE DAY I'M ALLOWED TO WATCH TV AND PLAY WII!!??!?!?!?!?!)  he still has a good book to fall into.  Plus, happily, somehow he and Max seem to get along really well right now!  They share a room, and it's actually not terrible!  They play a lot of games together.  Chess and Sorry are favorites at the moment.  They listen to Audio Books from the library and build Lego ships and fortresses.  They probably complain about their parents together.  Whatever they have going on, at the moment, it's working for them.  

Sam is also VERY excited for his new baby brother.  He really wanted a sister, but he came to terms with another boy pretty quick.  (A lot quicker than his mother.)  He loves babies and is naturally very nurturing and sweet to little kids and babies.  It's going to be fun to see him with a new baby to love again.  I sure love my Sammy.  He's a great kid.

Gabriel:  Gabey makes us laugh.  He's a TINY bit like Pavlov's dog.  Every night during dinner, usually just after sitting down, Gabe has to go to the bathroom.  

Every.single.night!

And he tells us repeatedly until either Doug or I respond and give him the go ahead.  "I have to go potty.  Can I go potty?  I'm going potty.  Okay?  OKAY?!?"

Every night when I tuck him in and tell him to say his prayer, he starts it, "Heavenly Father..." and then has a yawning attack.  He has to yawn at least two or three times before he can get another single word out.  Every time.  It's pretty funny.  But once he's through the yawning, you should hear his prayers.  He remembers every family member in need.  He prays for Grandmas and Grandpas (even the ones in Heaven) and missionaries.  He prays "please bless Jesus and help me to have good dreams and not nightmares..." (pronounced night-mayos)  He's just a sweet kid.  And speaking of praying, he's the most curious about God, and heaven and religion.  He asks a lot of questions.  He asked me if it was okay to say prayers anytime.  (YES!)  If he had to fold his arms and close his eyes to pray. (Only at night!)  Then a few days later, talking about his day, he said, "I got bored at recess so I just said a prayer.  In my head!"  He's the most out-going of all the boys and makes friends wherever he goes.  His school teacher loves him and so do the moms of his friends.  Gabe is the kid that makes your kid behave better during a playdate.  This is an entirely new thing for a Dub boy! ;)  

Of course, often with sweet and sensitive you get whiney and overly-emotional on the other side.  You do NOT want to deal with a sleep-deprived or overly hungry Gabe.  First grade has been hard on him.  I think it's just super busy and exhausting and his body still hasn't quite adjusted.  So we've had some long, tearful/whine-filled evenings. Reading is also hard for him.  I think we all thought it would come as naturally to him as it did to the big brothers.  But it isn't coming and it's hard for him.  Luckily, he still loves being read to, and he's working hard on reading his own books from school.  I know he'll get there, it's just going to take him longer.  And that's okay.  Gabe's best friend is David, whom he reluctantly shares with Gray.  But he still misses his best buddy Isaac--our neighbor in Japan--and still talks about him and writes him letters.  (Which I may or may not get around to mailing...)  Sometimes they get to talk on Skype when their mothers get it together enough to call at the right times.  Gabey is a sweet, loyal, and loving little kid and we sure like him a lot.

On to Gray:  Gray is a sweet, adorable, little tyrant.  If Gray wants something, he stands in front of the nearest family member and yells at them until said family member gives in and gets him what he wants.  It doesn't normally take long.  He's very persistent.  I think Gray knows there is change coming and I think he doesn't like it.  Over the last few weeks, he's become very clingy to Mommy.  Daddy will not do, and big brothers are DEFINITELY not allowed to help him, talk to him, or touch him if he darn-well doesn't feel like it.  (Sorry big brothers!  No more hugs and kisses for you--better luck with the next kid...)

With the one exception of play-dates with David, Gray wants to be near Mommy at all times even while sleeping,  (he generally stumbles in around 1 a.m. and knows to come right to my side) and while with Mommy, he wants the i-Pad all to himself.  (And NO brothers looking over his shoulder.)  My phone will do in a pinch, but it has no movies, and no Netflix so it is clearly inferior.   

This is a habit we developed mutually when I had morning sickness.  It was how the two of us got through the day.  Unfortunately, I'm over the morning sickness, but Gray isn't giving up the i-Pad.  It's gotten a little out-of-control. He wakes up asking for it and he asks for it until I give in.  And I usually give in.  Sometimes so I can sleep a little longer.  Sometimes so I can shower in peace.  Sometimes to get him to do something like get dressed, or go to preschool, or leave my side.  Sometimes because I just can't take the begging/screaming/crying any more.  

Why yes, the i-Pad is on the table in front of him..

To try to mitigate the i-Pad addiction, and to give him something fun to do in anticipation for new baby stealing all of Mom's time and attention, we recently enrolled him in a little neighborhood preschool program.  It's right up the street and is on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-12.  I really thought he'd love it.  He's only been about 5 times now, but so far, he does NOT love it.  The first day he wouldn't leave my side and we finally left after an hour.  The second day, after being offered all sorts of bribes and incentives, he went happily.  But I think he thought maybe he could be done after that.  Because he hasn't really gone happily since then.  BUT, at least he's still going, and of course, he comes out very happy and proud of his work.  

First (full) day of preschool!

Yesterday, before he left, I told him it was "show-and-tell" day.  He was supposed to bring something that he could do by himself.  As I talked to him I grabbed his toothbrush.  "Want to show your friends you can brush your teeth?"  For some reason, the very idea of public teeth-brushing offended him.  He started yelling "NO!  NO TOOF BWUSH!" and stood in the hall spread-eagled so I wouldn't be able to get past him to his backpack.  I went ahead and put it back in the bathroom.  It was pretty funny.  Not sure if he did anything for show-and-tell yesterday, but he definitely didn't demonstrate his brushing skills.

Gray is going to have his world turned upside down soon.  Hopefully he'll be okay, but I'm a little worried about him.  In the mean time, I'm letting him sleep in my bed and stay next to me constantly and get lots of cuddling in.  Hope it helps, though it might just make the contrast of baby arriving more severe.  Wish us luck with that one.  I sure love my little tyrant Gray.  Hope he loves his baby brother!  If not, I suppose there is always the i-Pad for consolation...we all might need it!

First Day of School and the Rest of My Life

You probably think this is just another average picture filled "Look-at-my-kids-first-day-of-school-in-their-cute-new-outfits!!!" post.  But it's a lot more than that.  Because it wasn't just my kids first day of school.  It was also the first day of the rest of my life.

Why?  Because when school started THREE, yes THREE of my children left the house and didn't come back for multiple hours.

Let's just take a look back on what my life has looked like in the past twoish years:

March 2011:  Max and Sam are both in school full time, Gabe is in preschool three days a week, giving me 9 hours a week of just me and Gray time.  Life is good.

Then the 3/11/11 earthquake happens.
Gabe's preschool is cancelled permanently due to most of the staff fleeing the country.

Max and Sam fall behind because the school stops teaching and focuses solely on treating post traumatic stress in all of the kids.  The school year ends, and we move from Japan to California.

August 2011:
Max and Sam go back to school full time, but we've just moved and we're broke so I keep Gabe at home with Gray rather than pay for preschool.  Two boys at home, two boys in school.

By October I've pulled Max out of 4th grade to homeschool him and hopefully get him caught up.
So, for those not keeping up, I have three boys home with me all day, and one at school.

June 2012, school is out, and Sam is home with me full time.  With Max, Gabe and Gray.
Four boys, home with me, all day every day.

We survive the summer, but just barely.  (JUST BARELY!!!)

August 2012, I put Max, Sam and Gabe in a local Charter school*.  They go Monday-Thursday from 8:30-2:30.  Leaving me home alone, with just Gray, for the first time in a year and a half.

And BAM!  Life is good again!

Now, don't get me wrong...I love my kids.  I love them a whole heck of a lot.  But if you've met them, you know they're a little high maintenance.  They're super cute.
They're also super hyper, loud, and messy.
And when I say hyper, loud, and messy, what I really mean is SUPER DUPER INCREDIBLY HYPER, LOUD, MESSY, AND VIOLENT!!!

Sorry to yell, but I'm trying to make a point here.  Did I mention they like to wrestle?  Well they do.  They like to jump on the couches, throw pillows and body slam each other repeatedly.  And that's WHILE watching T.V.
(Ya know that thing that usually keeps normal kids quiet and entertained for at least 20 minutes?  Yeah, not so at our house.)

They also like to tease each other.  You know that thing kids do when one kid is just sitting and reading quietly and then another kid has to just come and grab his book, lose the place, and start a really loud screaming fist fight?  Yeah, they do that a lot.

And that is why I've been breathing a big sigh of relief four days a week at 8a.m. when Aunt Laura comes to pick them up and drive them to school.

One day, I took a NAP when Gray took a nap!  (Just because I was tired!  For no other reason!)  And one day, I went to TARGET with only ONE KID and ran OTHER errands!  And then another day, I played with Gray UNINTERRUPTED and only made TWO SANDWICHES for lunch!  While listening to NO fighting!!

So yeah.  Loaded picture, isn't it?!

Life is good!

*Via Wikipedia:  Charter schools are primary or secondary schools that receive public money (and like other schools, may also receive private donations) but are not subject to some of the rules, regulations, and statutes that apply to other public schools in exchange for some type of accountability for producing certain results, which are set forth in each school's charter.^[1] Charter schools are attended by choice.^[2] While charter schools provide an alternative to other public schools, they are part of the public education system and are not allowed to charge tuition. Where enrollment in a charter school is oversubscribed, admission is frequently allocated by lottery-based admissions systems. However, the lottery is open to all students.^[3] In a 2008 survey of United States charter schools, 59% of the schools reported that they had a waiting list, averaging 198 students.^[4] Some charter schools provide a curriculum that specializes in a certain field—e.g., arts, mathematics, or vocational training. Others attempt to provide a better and more cost efficient general education than nearby non-charter public schools. Charter school students take state-mandated exams.^[5]

Two Little Boy-related Things

Item 1:
Doug:  "Sam went and jumped on Max and squirted him with a juice box in bed this morning.  Gotta go.  Love you!"

Um, WHAT?!?

It is seven a.m..  I can barely get my eyes to open!  Seven o'clock in the freakin' morning and my sons have already been making JUICE messes!?!

Yes, it turns out that when Sam asked me last night to set his alarm for midnight, it wasn't just so he could wake up at midnight.  He had nefarious plans in mind.
(I should never let these things go without adequate grilling!)
Since I WOULDN'T set his alarm, he woke himself up around 6 a.m., got a juice box, drank most of it, and then went in to prank Max by squirting him with the remaining juice.  The thing is, Max wasn't that mad.  He was planning the same thing.
Why?
WHY would my children do this?
It came out of a book, of course!
---
Roscoe Riley Rules #1
Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs
Page 13-14

"Roscoe, is your brother up yet?"  "Yep," I said.  "But I had to use my Roscoe Riley Sneak Attack to wake him.  Would you like to try it sometime?"
"I'm listening," Dad said.
"Well, first you knock real polite...
"Then you jump on his bed like it's a trampoline.  And you scream, 'RISE AND SHINE, YOU BUM!' And if he still doesn't wake up, you squirt him with your juice box on his nose and toes."
"I see," said Dad.  "Crude, but effective."
It is always nice when your dad is proud of you.


---
Hmm..."proud" wasn't exactly my reaction.

Sure, you might blame me for buying the book.  But really...how was I to know?  When I read about Ramona the Pest squirting a whole tube of toothpaste into the sink, I didn't go and do THAT!  And I certainly never pulled any "boing boing curls" on any cute little blonde girls.  (Okay, so there was a really cute little blonde girl, Ashley, in Misawa with golden locks and I pulled them just a little bit.  But still...)

Item 2:
California just changed its carseat laws.  It is now a requirement that kids be in a booster seat up until the age of EIGHT!!!
EIGHT!!!
This means Sam has to go back in a booster.  He hasn't been in a booster for YEARS!!!
The new law is based on recommendations from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.  Which would actually prefer kids stay in boosters until age TWELVE!

If you're caught without the required booster, it's a $479 ticket.
Watching the various news stories on ABC, I found this video:
"Do Kids Really Need Car Seats".  The Freakonomics guys did their own testing and say seat belts are equally effective.



Another news story I watched featured "The Car-Seat Lady".  She says that upwards of 90% of car seats are improperly used/installed.  Another story said 85% are installed incorrectly.
So WHY are we forcing parents to continue to use/buy them, instead of changing car and seatbelt design like the Freakonomics guys suggest?!?!?

Do any of the "experts" out there drive a carpool or have more than one kid?  Do they realize it's not easy--sometimes not even possible--to fit multiple car or boosters seats into your vehicle?  Is there even any POINT (except to avoid tickets) if it isn't installed correctly despite our best efforts?

Yes, I know I sound like an uncaring heartless harpy who hates my children*, but I think our country likes to over regulate many things.  And this is definitely one of them.  If you show me empirical evidence that American kids, in their incorrectly installed car seats, are safer than kids in other countries, I'll shut up about this.  (---but you can't!)
(Sometimes I really really miss Japan and their lack of litigiousness and lack of over-regulation!)

--
Okay, that's all for me.  I'd write more, but I have numerous loads of laundry to wash today.  Including all of Max's previously clean bedding!

Happy Monday everyone!
Don't forget to buckle up!!!


*Just for the record and before you send me hate-mail, I'd like to state that I DO believe in the efficacy of seat belts and I DO buckle my children up.  Even when we were in Japan, driving off-base, and I didn't have to.

A Silly Gabey Story and a Sad Sammy Story

Gabey:
We have a lot of cute little kids in our neighborhood.  Lately, Gabey has gotten into the habit of going outside, finding the nearest kid cluster, and insinuating himself into the group.  He is very social and friendly and usually doesn't have a hard time finding someone to play with.  However, many of these kids are a few years older and when he plays with or near the big kids, he comes home with LOTS of fascinating new information.  Today I stopped cooking dinner just to jot down a few of his comments--and then added to the list as the evening went on...
"Mommy did you know there's a girl that eats
flowers!?!
And grass!?!
And pennies!?!?!"
"Mommy, one of da girls is from CandyYand and she has a candy car and a candy house that yooks yike gingerbread!"
"Mommy, did you know dat Maffew changed his name?
And he got 'boo'd'* wif a dead wat?
And fwrow-up?"
--two hours later--
"Mommy, is der a CandyYand on dis earf?"

I sure love my little Gabey!

*Getting 'boo'd' is when someone leaves a treat on your porch with a poem and ghost picture for you to hang in your window.  After you get 'boo'd', you're supposed to 'boo' two more neighbors and share the love.  Matthew found out that we are the ones who boo'd him and let us know he does NOT like pumpkin bread.  Even though it was chock full of chocolate chips!!!  I mean really!  It's got to be more tasty than the dead rat and throw-up doesn't it?!?

Sammy:
A few weeks ago, Sammy was trying to find new ways to earn money.  Mind you, he didn't want to do anything too strenuous--like taking trash out.  No heavy lifting for this kid.
I threw out a few ideas, he shot them all down...
Finally, he came up with folding laundry.  He asked if I would pay him a nickel for each thing he folded.
Of course I immediately said "SURE!"  (Since we all know how much I H.A.T.E. folding laundry!)
Little did I know it would become a slight obsession!  He asks to fold laundry almost daily now and he's been slowly racking in the quarters, nickels, and dimes.

So yesterday, he got out his Phineas and Ferb piggy bank and BEGGED me to take him to Target.  He's been wanting to spend some of his hard earned cash on a new Lego set (for himself) and a birthday present (Lego set) for his BFF Micheil.  (Who now lives in Korea.)  Since I had to get some groceries anyway, the five of us (yes, all four boys came with) went to Target.  After a good 15 minutes spent in the toy isle with a million other little kids, Sam found the two toys he wanted to buy.
It was then he started looking for his little tin bank.

It was lost.

We checked the Lego isle.
We checked the neighboring isles.
We retraced our steps and checked the lost and found...three times.

It was gone with all 23 of his hard earned dollars.

It is STILL gone.

There were lots of tears.  And lots of hugs.
But there was no bail out from mommy.

(For one thing, I had no cash on me--I've given it all to my kids in exchange for crappily folded clothes.  Otherwise I may have caved in the face of his huge sad and teary brown eyes!  For another thing, Doug told me I wasn't allowed to bail him out.  Natural consequences and all that.  And for the last thing, I'm not the U.S. Government for cryin-in-the-night!)

BUT, you'll be happy to know all is not sadness and despair!  Yesterday, he was pretty inconsolable.  Today, he is back on the money-making horse.

He folded 14 items and got 70 cents.  He found a dollar in the laundry room and I let him keep it.  He gave me a (pitiful) back rub and I paid him a whole dollar.  (Max was outraged at the injustice of his past low paying back-rubs!  All two of them.)

Then I told Grandma Fae his sad, sad story...and she said she was going to put $10 pity money in the mail immediately!  (That cheered him right up...!)

So, with a little charity and some determination, he'll be back at Target losing more money in no time!!!
 --The End--

Just another day in the life of my boys!