May 31, 2007

"How To" of the Day


It's starting to sink in. I'm outnumbered and surrounded. There's no escaping and no guarantee of reprieve in the future. The situation is what it is and I have to get used to it.


I'm the mother of three boys!


I've always wanted kids. In fact, growing up as the youngest of five kids (six when foster brother Ferlando lived with us) I compensated for not having a younger sibling by babysitting every chance I got. My life aspiration was to have 10 kids and own a daycare center. As I got older, the number of kids got lower and the daycare plans went out the window. While babysitting all five of my sister's kids for her one week, I started to wonder if I liked kids at all. (My mom had to reassure me that I did.)


Aside from that week, (and maybe one other babysitting my brother's six kids for him) there has never been a time I didn't want to be a full time mom for a living. (Which reminds me, I need to put in for a raise.)

That said, I never envisioned my home full of boys. If anything, I'm sure I planned for equal numbers of girls and boys (I'm anal like that) or figured the boys would be out numbered by girls--like in my house growing up. I just never figured I'd be the sole member of the minority party. (Is THIS how liberals feel in Utah??)


That is why lately I've been re-evaluating my parenting techniques and working on increasing my PATIENCE with--and understanding of--the male species!!! Here are a few things I'm coming to grips with:


To be a successful mother of sons you must: (and by "you" I mean "I")


Quit ogling (and sometimes buying for the future) tea sets, doll houses, and pink clothes every time you shop.


Learn to play with action figures. This means you have to think like a boy. Captain Jack and Will Turner want to FIGHT. They do NOT want to garden, have a tea party, or be nice Daddies who do the dishes. They want to dismember each other.


Quit hating sports. You have very athletic children and years of spectating before you. Just accept that your Saturday mornings will never ever be free ever again and invest in a good lawn chair and cooler.


Accept that your boys will come inside from playing completely filthy and smelling of wet dog. And furthermore, they will NOT stop digging in the dirt and will NEVER wipe their feet adequately before entering the house.


Potty words are here to stay. Just like the bodily functions they represent, they will never cease being a large part of your life.


Instead of being offended at being brutally stabbed, shot, and/or impaled in all pretend battles, be flattered that you were worthy enough to be chosen as an adversary.


Keep lots of Febreze Air Effects, Lysol Wipes, Hand Sanitizer, and snacks (for bribery and personal fortification) on-hand at all times.

Check the toilet seat before sitting down.


So far, that's all I've come up with. If you have any suggestions, comments, or tips, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.



21 comments:

jen said...

hahaha!! i'm so sorry em. gotta make this short. S wants me to come play dolls with her. ;-)

anniebugs said...

Travis and I got a good laugh over your woes of being the only female in the house. But look at it this way if big hair comes back into style you wont have to share your bottle of hairspray.

Leslie said...

i'm sending this link to my friend, audra, who just found out that her fourth baby is a boy. her fourth boy. :)

Stephanie said...

but they're such handsome little guys!

Lindsay Dunn said...

All I can say is good luck!! BTW - I love that picture!! Now, go grab a sword and start a battle! Oh, and when we visit in Japan, Auri will bring her tea set and you can girl it up all you need! =D

Jessi said...

In our house we have the opposite problem, but from watching my sister (Audra) I think you've pretty much summed it up.

Suzie Petunia said...

Just came across you via Sarah Flake's blog. I'm a new mom, too! My daughter is #4 for me. 3 is hard. 4 is hard. It is always hard. Don't let anyone ever try to make you think otherwise!

I appreciate the advice. My two middle kids are boys. If the potty words really are here to stay I guess I'll stop acting disappointed in them every time they say the words "underwear" and/or "poop".

I used to live in the same stake as the Providence ward. Is Foxboro still in your stake?

Bartimaeus said...

Not only did her "analness" dictate equal numbers of boys and girls, they also needed to be in rainbow order.

(Foxboro is no longer in the providence stake)

Can't wait to see the Dunn's in Japan! Anyone else coming?

mel said...

Don't forget that underwear is for BOYS & undies are for GIRLS.... make this mistake at my house & watch out. Emma & Gavin will strongly correct you.

Lindsay Dunn said...

In our house, girls wear panies and boys wear... boy panies. I can't get Auri to accept "underwear" as a term for anything...

hilari said...

as a fellow mother of three boys - i feel you. pretty much everyday i am shot dead and expected to act dead. i grew up with four sisters and zero brothers. i never thought about the idea of having only boys. i gotta say, i love it. i never thought of myself as a boy mom - but i think it just might be more fun... they will always love you and think you are the best thing ever. i think at some point every teenage girl thinks her mom is crazy. there is less screaching, but maybe more yelling. just think of the middle school years as being alot less emotional. you crack me up, and you and i together can change the world with raising good, strong, moral men! - who will always laugh at potty jokes.

The Valentine Family said...

The picture is so cute! I'm slowly being out numbered also...thanks for shedding some light on what I have to look forward to. Your boys are adorable!

Audra said...

I love it! You said it perfectly! And I would add (being a mother of three boys with another one on the way) that while playing action figures, use as many sound effects as you can! I had to learn that one.

Foot Handle Pete said...

A good lawn chair and cooler are also very usefull when you have girls. Hope you like soccer ect. FHP

Laurie Turk said...

I can completely relate - I have 3 boys as well. I'm expected to have 2 boys and 2 girls. I love your post and it really got me thinking. Especially about the potty talk, is it really here to stay?!?

Adronja aka The Leopard said...

Tip: if you get into them, boys' kid shows are often hecka better than girls' kid shows. I highly recommend "Hot Wheels: Acceleracers".

Also your children are adorable.

Sarah said...

This is the most beautiful picture ever! Who took this and can they come to my house to make me beautiful too?

I'm in awe of your ability to capture these kind of serene moments with three boys. But with a new baby in the house maybe they can be persuaded!

It's funny you should mention the babysitting your sister thing. Before I had my first, I took two weeks to care for my oldest sister's five kids. By the time my two weeks were up I was totally depressed because I was sure that I'd never be able to be a Mom since it was so hard and I was so exhausted. I told my husband we would have to wait a little longer because I wasn't ready after all. Two days after I got home I found out I was pregnant and didn't know what to think. Luckily, it's easier when they are yours but the timing of it couldn't have been more awkward.

If it's any consolation, I have to check the potty seat with my girl too. She dumps her training potty into the big one but there is usually just a big mess everywhere. I need to buy some of those toilet seat liners for myself.

Anyways, late congratulations on your beautiful little boy!

Heffalump said...

I have five boys and just gave birth to my first daughter last week. I am a little bit scared of girls since I am so used to boys by now. Boys are awesome!
Not that we aren't excited to have a girl now too.

EunHei said...

Hahaha, wow! Hi! I'm not a mom but my mom has 3 boys too... But I'd like to think that a lot of the reason why she doesn't have too much trouble with those monkeys is because she can leave them with their older, perfectly-willing-to-decapitate-them-with-a-rusty-penknife-should-they-piss-her-off sister (aka me).

Though my mom is absolutely amazing. She raises two learning difficulty kids (including Aspergers', ADHD, dyslexia...), a hormonal teenage girl and an insecure 6-year old while working~ So don't worry if you find parenting hard, just watching my mom do it makes me want to stay barren forever...

nikko said...

I am a mom of 5 boys and have just stumbled upon your blog! This list is SO true. Love it. I'm bookmarking your blog and look forward to reading more in the future. I also appreciate reading about the earthquake and efforts to help by people like you who live there. Thank you.

Beth said...

This is all so true. It sounds like you are there.....you have adjusted to having a house full of boys! Hooray! I would perhaps add that you need to get used to hugs that may be painful....Ouch. There goes another one! That's love, too! Beth