Er, Cancer. Not mine, Laura’s.
Every single day lately somebody asks me how I’m doing. (Sometimes a lot of somebodies ask.) And I usually answer that I’m actually doing pretty well!
And it’s true! There are moments (minutes) of staring into the proverbial void and screaming (in my mind), and moments (minutes) of sobbing uncontrollably, but that constitutes only about 2% of my waking hours.
I’m mostly doing pretty dang good all things considered (brag) and I think it’s
1. Because a million people are praying for me and I’ve begun internalizing that fear doesn’t come from God (My New Years resolution was to memorize 2 Tim 1:7. Coincidence? I don’t think so.) and
2. Because I’m doing a few things to care for myself.
I don’t super love the term “self care” because I think it’s mostly a modern buzzword and justification for selfishness. But maybe that’s because I see it as a social media trend of over-indulgence.
Turns out “Self-care” doesn’t have to be complicated, or expensive, or selfish. (Though it frequently turns into that in IG posts). It can be very very simple. It my case it means a few things:
Every morning, since the first morning I knew my sister had a mass in her brain, I’ve gotten in the shower. Every. Single. Morning. Resisting a very real impulse to roll out of bed and rush out the door. I don’t wash my hair every day—I ain’t got that kinda time. (2-3 times/week only) But I’ve made myself take a shower 7 days a week instead of taking days off and staying in sweats all day. While I’m in the shower, I listen to some scriptures and I pray frantic and semi-distracted prayers. Boom! Self care!
Most days I do a few crunches too! I haven’t had time to go to the gym so the crunches will have to do. What else? Oh yeah, Vitamins. I don’t know if they work. Honestly. Every article on the efficacy of vitamins contradicts the one from the week before. But I bought gummy fiber and gummy multi-vitamins and they don’t make me sick, and they don’t make me gag, so I take them every morning. I should say, I eat them every morning and I feel like a weird toddler trapped in a middle-aged body starting my day by eating fruit snacks. And maybe all it means is I have more expensive pee. I don’t know, but I’m going to keep it up because it makes my brain think I’m taking care of my body. Probably. (Insert shrugging emoji)
Obviously, once you’ve taken a shower, you are basically forced to put on clean clothes and deodorant. (It’s okay if the clean clothes are stretchy joggers, a wireless bra and a comfy sweatshirt—obviously.) I’m trying hard to transition to aluminum free deodorant full time. I’m pretty nervous about it and there have been a few times with Laura I’ve broken into a full panic sweat. But I don’t *think* I stink while wearing it. I think it works pretty well. (Am I nose blind at this point?) Maybe you’ll have to be the judge of that next time you hug me. (There have been lots of hugs lately. More than normal. Will you tell me if I have deodorant fade out? Please?)
Okay, moving on: Pre-Cancer, I was trying very VERY weak intermittent fasting at my Drs recommendation. This meant no food after 7pm and no eating breakfast until after 10am. That doesn’t work when you are rushing to the hospital first thing and may or may not get fed until kind friends bring dinner. Obviously I need to eat and I don’t have time to over-think seed oils and sugar content in breakfast cereals like I did P.C. Since I’m a middle-aged woman, I need fiber (even more fiber than I got fifteen minutes earlier from the fiber gummies) and Raisin Bran is the quickest, least disgusting way to get it. Boom. One bowl of cereal equals self care.
Then I rush off and the day isn’t about me anymore. But GO ME because I’m clean, hopefully I smell okay, I have a little make-up on so people don’t mistake my normal allergy eyes for abject despair, and I have food in my stomach. And OH YEAH—I filled my water bottle before I left and added Pina Colada ReLyte because it may or may not help my low blood pressure and mostly because it tastes good which makes it so I actually drink the water, and YAY HYDRATION and whatnot.
After the entire day and sometimes the entire night. Eventually I find my way home aaaand…more self care.
If the boys are all in bed, and they usually are, I have some time to think un-cancer-related thoughts. Maybe I take a quick walk to get a few steps in. Maybe not. If not, just a few more things are absolutely required to take care of myself, so I can take care of Laura: I wash my face. Every night. I’ll admit I was pretty hit or miss with face-washing for years 12-46. But now…I take off the mascara I put on less than 24-hours ago. (The absurdity! Honestly, who came up with this?) Every dang night. Knowing full well I’m just going to put it on again tomorrow—the tubing kind that doesn’t run when you cry—(Oh yeah, I wear mascara every day now not just Sunday and date night) and I do it because it feels important even though it’s not. But it’s self care.
Obviously I brush my teeth but I was already doing that. And then I dock my phone across the room. This one is very important. No doom scrolling Insta in bed when your sister has cancer. It’s a dumb way to get exhausted and depressed in one fell swoop. Nope, the phone has got to stay away. Want to listen to audio books or music or white noise to fall asleep? Too bad. Read a book.
Sometimes I journal just to clear my mind. And then I sleep. No problems there. Being cancer-adjacent can make people lose sleep but not me. It’s made me so tired by 11pm every night that I simply can’t stay awake to overthink.
And that’s about it. That’s self-care!
No spa days required.
Don’t over think it.
Just take a dang shower every morning.
And turn off your dang phone every night.
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