How to be an Answer to Prayer

Question: “Emily, how are you doing?”

Usual answer: “I’m actually okay…”

Longer more complete answer:

My friend Kristen called to wish me Happy Birthday and ask about our usual birthday lunch date. We talked about Laura and how I’m having a hard time being away from her for any amount of time and somehow Linc came up and I told her that “yeah, I’ve been gone a lot and I’ve been pretty worried about him”. At first my niece was around but she went home, and Gabe is also around but he doesn’t help Linc with school. I told her I had just been thinking I needed to find someone to tutor him. “I’ll come over today, bring lunch for you and Laura, and help Lincoln get his school work done.” She came that day, and again two days later, and has come twice a week ever since. She wont let me pay her and she wont stop coming, and Linc LOVES IT and loves her!

A friend walked in the morning after a hard day with Laura in the hospital to hug me and see how she could help me. The cleaning ladies had just arrived and after talking for a minute she said “Do you need help cleaning up for the cleaning ladies” I said “yes, actually…” and she walked in the kitchen and washed a pile of dishes while I cleaned away everything else the boys had left all over the place.

Multiple friends stopped by and brought treats on my birthday. One stayed and chatted with me and gave advice on being a caregiver when someone you love has cancer. (She told me to find something creative to do for myself and here we are. Back on the ol’ Blog.)

A friend insisted on bringing dinner and when she brought it into the messy kitchen, she started helping me tidy up while letting me talk.

Laura’s friend offered to do my laundry but I wouldn’t let her. {But she was serious and would have really picked it up, like she has been doing for Laura, and brought it back folded. She was serious!}

A friend sent an Edible Arrangement from Utah, let me come stay at her house for four nights with twelve hours notice, cooked me delicious meals, watched Rom-Coms with me, and also calls regularly to check in.

A friend has made multiple batches of cookies and protein bites for Laura and I. Plus she brought me a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Two different friends called at the exact right time on different days when I need someone to let me sob to them over the phone. Other friends have called just to check on me and offer their love, support, and help.

My sisters who aren’t local regularly check on me.

Friends have reached out on-line to say they are thinking of me.

People I’ve never met, who follow my Book account on Instagram, have FASTED AND PRAYED FOR MY SISTER!!! (This one is very crazy and humbling to me.)

Several friends have brought dinner for my family. Delicious meals my boys have loved.

Several friends have brought treats, flowers, cards and chocolate.

A friend has been taking Lincoln for a weekly playdate.

People have given my kids rides to and from church activities and school.

A friend called at the exact time I needed her and took Gray to his orthopedic appointment to get a splint while I rushed to the hospital to be with Doug.

Seemingly millions of friends have prayed for me…

And people keep asking if I’m okay!

I’m probably not. 

But I’m doing a lot better than I have any right to be and I am so so so very grateful for the shower of tender mercies I’ve experienced in the last few weeks.

Thank you to all of you. I’m sure I’ve forgotten several kind things in my exhaustion and brain fog. But every single thing has been recorded in heaven and all of you kind people out there are getting straight in through the pearly gates. No questions asked!!

And don’t even get me started on the kind things being done for Laura. 

There is so much goodness in the world. And I am so so grateful!!

Terribly Incoherent Thoughts on Learning Lessons

 Sun March 2nd Brandons Bday

I had nightmares again last night   

I have had nightmares approximately three times. The night I found out Laura had a mass, the night I found out the mass was cancer, and last night. 

I feel like every other night I'm not dreaming at all—too exhausted. 

But I stayed up late last night working on the ”Bread Reel” (Gabe told me he didn’t watch the whole thing--not engaging enough…) and today I slept late and was just being woken by my bladder when Linc burst in. 

—

When Lincoln thinks I've slept enough, whenever that is, he bursts into my room. He doesn’t peek in, he throws open the door loudly and dramatically and stands in the doorway staring at me. A lot of the time I am already awake. But today I was just barely awake and cranky from being up until 2. 

“Lincoln! Go out and close my door!”

“Um, okay but it’s 10:00 Mom”

If I’d had a shoe, I would've thrown it.

The other day I saw a Reel that asked a series of questions: “If you ask God for patience, does he just give it to you? Or does he put you in positions where you can learn patience? 

It's like God is telling me with Lincoln: I gave you four different boys and 1 million opportunities to learn patience and it didn't take. So here you go, I'll give you one more boy and several billion more chances. Do you think you can learn patience this time?

Speaking of learning lessons, Karie and I used to tease Laura relentlessly. “Hey Laura, maybe if you could learn to accept help/delegate responsibilities/not take on too much/ask for help…{fill in the blank} you wouldn’t need God to keep teaching you the same lesson over and over again by giving you hard callings! And back problems! And Crohn's Disease!! And {fill in the blank. Laura has been through a LOT of hard stuff}.” 

Well, we are brats and Laura has learned her lesson(s). She is not only accepting help, she’s asking for it freely. She not only started delegating her church responsibilities, but she did it of her own free will and choice—willingly and happily.

She actually ASKED TO BE RELEASED FROM HER CALLING! I’ll tell you what, that gave us all a bit of a start. But at least maybe now she can be done learning, right God? She’s finally asking for help! Can she catch a break now?! Can things go back to how they were when we played card games at my kitchen table on January 15th? When life was normal? Please??

{In case they can’t, I’m going to try to co-opt her lessons. I’m going to try to learn all the things along with her so I don’t have to learn them first hand. I’m bad at pain. Please don’t let anyone else I know get cancer!}

—

Later: I’m afraid after church I did further damage to my sleep schedule by taking a nap. Usually I have no sleep schedule and I’m a hot mess. But it’s gotten pretty regular since Laura got sick. When she was on steroids and barely sleeping, I’d leave her house around 10 and go home and I’d be too tired to stay awake for more than an hour or two and end up going to bed at a reasonable time. I was getting a solid 8 hours every night and usually between 11:30-7:30. Which is crazy for me!

But the last few days, she’s been so tired that I’ve been going to her house later in the day and leaving earlier at night. Which means I’m sleeping later. Which means at night I’m not as tired and I stay up later. It’s after 11 and here I am journalling instead of sleeping. Dang it.

Some lessons are so so hard to learn! I need to go to bed!!