Items of Note/Notorious Items

All of these items could be their own post.  But I don't have that kind of time so take what you get and be happy about it!!!

*Sammy had a birthday and turned 5. 

*Doug and I had a big fight but we made up.  And then we had our 9 year anniversary the next day.  Maybe I'll post about it one day.  (The anniversary--not the fight.  That would be like admitting we don't have a perfect marriage.  Which we do.  BTW, we fought on our 8 year anniversary too.  It's our new fun anniversary tradition.)

*I'm supposed to be returning from hiking Mt. Fuji right now.  But I'm not.  (FORTUNATELY!!!)  Because I have bigger fish to fry/people to buy food for.

*I was called to be "Camp Food Coordinator" (or something) and I'm headed to church GIRL'S CAMP Tuesday morning.  (And the commissary is closed on Monday, and I can't shop on Sunday, so I had to shop on Saturday, which meant I couldn't hike Mt. Fuji.)  (FORTUNATELY!!!)

*Though I LOVE camping, I never really liked Girl's Camp as a 12-16 year old.  Too much drama.

*And frankly, I'm pretty sure I don't like camping with Morning Sickness, either.  (How's THAT for drama?!?)

*If you noticed I'm getting fatter and asked if I was pregnant...I forgive you.  ('Cause I am and I am.  But I didn't know it at the time...so nevermind...you're not forgiven.)

*Doug participated in his FIRST TRIATHALON on Saturday morning and did quite well.  Not that I would know as I was home sleeping and didn't arrive on scene until 40 minutes after he finished.  But I HEAR he did quite well.  Go Doug.  (But NO Doug.  You may NOT buy an expensive bike.)

*I personally believe marathons and triathalons are for MASOCHISTS!  Yeah, you heard me every.single.female.friend I have!!!  Masochists and CRAZY PEOPLE!!!!!

*I (also) personally believe the only good reason to run is if you're being chased.  By a mugger.  (If I've said it once, I've said it 10,000 times!!!)

Well, that pretty much sums up the last two months.  Any questions?

"Max Power...is his name..."

SOME how, at some point, probably when my back was turned... (he used to do a lot of naughty things while my back was turned)  

this little boy... 

...grew up!  

Maxwell joined our family when we were still newly weds going to school and living in Provo, UT. 

He turned us into an official family.  Sure, marrying Doug was great and all, but we were just playing house until this kid came along.  (And he made it so I didn't constantly stare at all the other babies at church on Sunday and comment to Doug how CUTE they were!!!)

(People at church would stare at him and comment about is huge toothless, slobbery grin.)

He moved to San Francisco with us where we lived for four years, and then tagged along when we switched coasts and lived in Rhode Island for two.  

Now he lives happily in Northern Japan.  

Not bad for an almost 8 year old!  

And at some point...he went and grew.  

And stopped pulling stuffing out of pillows and sneaking Lucky Charms while I showered blissfully unaware.

Now he makes his own sandwiches*.

Practices piano and writes in his journal.

And begs for "reading time" with Mommy at night.

He even learned how to put a diaper on Gabe!  (But only to save himself from embarrassment and our family from a reputation as exhibitionists.  Too late!)He's just an all around cool human being.

I Love you Max!  Thanks for being part of our family!!!

*Made with organic "Whole Oat" bread which Max loves because he considers it "white bread" which has been banished in this house since 1861.

"Good Food Choice"

When I was in High School, my mom would try to temper my sugar addiction by asking me;

"Now Emily, is that a good food choice?"

Translation: "Emily, if you eat that bowl of ice cream for breakfast you will be a cranky, raving, hypoglycemic mess by 9 a.m.  So maybe you should consider Oatmeal as a sensible alternative...!?!"

Well, sometimes I listened, and sometimes I didn't.  And I'm still trying to make "good food choices".  One small step we've taken is to try to buy things without High-Fructose Corn Syrup and/or MSG.

So seeing these two videos on another blog made me laugh and laugh!

I just found out my sis-in-law Chrissy is still in the hospital.  They found out what's wrong with her:  Aside from the collapsed lung full of fluid, she has 3 pulmonary embolisms.  

NOT GOOD!

So please throw some prayers and good vibes her way!  

This:

Resulted in this:

in her lungs!

Love you Chrissy!  Get better IMMEDIATELY!!!  I'm already planning your visit!!!

-sigh-

My brother stole my blog again.  

AGAIN!!!  

But before I knew anything about it, the post was taken down!  (Most likely by my sis-in-law who says she informed him "It's only funny the first time".)  

Anyway, I got to read the removed post because it was still in my "Google Reader".

(Then I searched through my blog settings and removed "Brandoneous" as my blog 'administrator'.  (The AUDACITY!!!)  Silly me.  Can't believe I didn't look there before.)

So hopefully my blog is safe for a little while longer...again.  (A girl can dream, right?!)

  

(BTW, you will get zero delicious No-bake Cookies for your evil deeds, Brandon.  NONE!  You have to earn them through GOODNESS!)

Anyway, Brandon asked an important question in his illegal/unauthorized post, and since I really am genuinely curious about your response (though I do NOT condone his methods) I'll ask it again here:

So here goes:

If you were the youngest (and therefore most picked-on) child in a fabulously dysfunctional family of five, and you had the choice between the following, which would you choose?

Plan A:  A trip to Utah to attend a family reunion at Aspen Grove with the Call Kids.  (Plus, we'd probably have a reunion with Doug's family too!)

OR

Plan B:  A trip to one of the following for the same price, possibly much less; Australia, Thai Land, or China.

A few points to help you make your decision:

* We just hit our one year mark here.  Only two years left to visit the locals mentioned in Plan B.  (Cause let's face it:  It's now or never.)  

* Whereas, Aspen will always be an option.

* Family Reunions are great for kids.  Aspen is great for family reunions and the kids would have a blast with their cousins.   Which I do realize is important.  (I always loved seeing my cousins at reunions growing up.)  

* ...But did I mention it's really REALLY REEEEEALLY expensive?  And they'd have as much fun at the local park with their school friends?

* Some of my family members don't like me that much.  In fact, I'm not even on speaking terms with all of them at the moment.  Which is surprising considering how naturally charming and witty I am.  (People who aren't my siblings really like me!  Really!!!)

* Jenny and my SIL Christina still like me.  (I think.  Haven't talked to Jenny today...)  (Christina, you rock.  Thanks for defending my blog.  Get better SOON!!!)

* We would get to see Doug's family and they're super cool.  (Though they don't tell as many inappropriate jokes.  Is that good or bad? You decide.)

* Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Just think of how much everyone will love us if we stay away another 2-12 years.

* A little of my family goes a long way.

(And if you'd like to argue that sentiment, Brandon, please recall your recent de-flowering of my blog and all the arguments I managed to get in in a short 5 day period.)

* Trip to Utah: 24 hours of travel x 3 kids = 72 hours of hell.  (Trust me.  The math works)

* Trip to Utah: 2-4 days of jet lag x 3 kids = 12 lost days.  (Trust me again.)

* Did I mention Australia???

So, what say you blog readers!?!?

Please cast your vote:  I even designed a poll for the sidebar!  (Why?  Because I can.)

Plan A = Utah 

Plan B = Dream Vacation

Now let your voice be heard!!!

*Also, please feel free to send as much spam as you want to the following e-mail address:

brandoneous@gmail.com*

Last Chance...

to enter to win "Hard Times and Holy Places" by Kristen Belcher.

Just leave a comment HERE!!!

(Chop chop, people!!!)

Overheard...

Playing Uno on the back porch...(a recent obsession.)

Thomas:  "It's not about winning.  It's about having fun."

Maxwell:  "No, it's about winning and having fun.  'Cause winning is fun!"

Blah Blah Blubber

Just so you know:

I've gained a little weight over the past year.

And I've made some unfortunate wardrobe choices.  

(The empire waist may be "in" but it's not slimming!)

This has led to a few people asking me if I'm pregnant.

The answer is no.  

No, I'm not.

But we have been trying unsuccessfully for a year which has led me to soothe my soul with copious amounts of M&M's.  

So in a way, I AM carrying a baby.

A ten-pound food baby.

(We're happy together.)

Just wanted to clear that up!!

Oh, and one more thing:

To the Bratty Girls in 1st-12th grade who used to look me up and down and say 

"UGH!  You're so SKINNY you make me SICK!"  (Not a compliment.)

I just have one thing to say:

...I'm still skinnier than you.  

Sorry.

xo

-Em

(But to all you NICE girls out there, don't worry!  You are WAY skinnier than I am!  Really!  I'm so sorry for being bratty!  It's because it's way past my bedtime and I had way too many M&M's tonight while watching Burn Notice!  Can you forgive me???!!!???)

Book Review and Giveaway

I just got an IM from my mom.  In a few short hours, she'll be on a plane headed for the Dominican Republic.  Awesome!  Tropical weather all year round.  Aren't ya sorta jealous?

Well, for those of you who aren't headed to an exotic destination, here's something to keep you busy...  Head over to Gratuitous Reviews for a book review and giveway!  You wont want to miss this one!

http://gratuitousreviews.blogspot.com/2009/07/hard-times-and-holy-places-book-review.html

Good luck!

Em

A Boring-ish Post about a Really Fun Trip--Plus old photos

Newlyweds John and Faezer. Headed to the D.R. in a few short days!(Any trip that includes a visit to Rubio's for Fish Taco's is bound to be a success. The American Fork location is no where near as nice as the Southern California locations, but the taco's taste just as good.)

Anna's parents: Some of my very favorite humans!!! (Bishop C. is half responsible for Sam's middle name. Doug's dad is responsible for the other half!)

This is my sister Jenny talking to Kristen who was my next door neighbor on Camino Circle. Her older brother Aaron came too with his cute wife and girls! It was so fun to see them for the first time in YEARS! Kristen even said she likes me now that I'm not an annoying little brat.

I get that a lot.

Speaking of friends we haven't seen in years, we were THRILLED to see Lynn, Jeph, and Johnny S. Also neighbors from good-old Cottonwood Heights. Lynn raised five boys (part of the time as a single mom) and lived to tell about it. She's my idol!And yes. As mentioned on Brandon's blog, I went on my first date with Danny. (Son number 2 not in attendance.)

That went down something like this: "Mom and Dad, I know you're going to want to set me up for my first date on my 16th birthday. But whatever you do, don't set me up with Danny (said with fingers crossed behind my back.) 'Cause that would be, like, so embarrassing." Mom and Dad: "Huh?"

Fabulous former roommates Anna-Banana (on tip-toe so she can be taller than me) and P.B. (real name=Michelle) holding sweet little Preslie.

I fell in love with Preslie instantly--even though she was a little unsure about me. P.B. started a great blog after Preslie was born chronicling their adventures in and out of the hospital. Seems like most of the first few months of Preslie's life were spent in the hospital. But I'm pretty sure they think she's worth it.

Did you know that 80% of Downs Syndrome babies are aborted? Can you believe that?!? Those misguided folks don't know what they're missing! (Why don't they give their baby to ME?!?)

Another great friend, Fletchy, lived with us in Carlsbad for a little while. I'm so glad you dragged your whole family to Springville, Fletch!!! (Real name=Brenda)
Faezer and I holding my newest Cousin-Nephew Coleman. Cousin Kimmy's first baby! I love you Cole!!! I love your faux-hawk!!! Come visit me in Japan, okay?!?!

(Some of) The Fam. Thanks for hosting the after-party Bubba.

But no thanks for hijacking my blog you flaming lunatic!!!

(Dear Readers/Commentors, I promise it's safe to come back now. I wont let the bad man mess with my blog any more, okay?!?!)

Tanabata Festival

See Doug's blog for some Japanese culture!  (Top two posts)

My Brother is a Psychopath!

I'd like to personally apologize to Maxwell's First Grade Teacher (along with the rest of my address book) who got Spam from him saying to visit my blog!

Sheesh!  A girl is never safe with a computer geek for a brother!!!  (I'd say something disparaging about him, but I don't want to tick him off.  And I don't want to have to reset my password.  Again.)

The Epitome of Innocence

Some folks out there may think that commandeering someone's blog is rude, unruly, perhaps even, unkind. I disagree. I do believe that this will actually have very positive effects for all involved. Emily, the mere fact that I have written on your blog will surely improve its Google page rank and increase readership.

Besides, would a person with this face of pure innocence do anything wrong?

Sister Spotlight - Laura

I'd like to dedicate this digital deviousness to my wonderful sister Laura. I understand that she's having some problems with her recent back surgery and is in need of some good cheering up.

So Laura, all of this is dedicated to you. When Emily wakes up in several hours and realizes what I've done, she'll officially be much sadder than you are today!

Join in my happiness at the expense of our poor, dear, youngest sister. Rejoice in her squirming discomfort!

Ah, yes, another factoid. Emily used to give very open-mouthed kisses. For all I know, she still might... (Doug? input?...)

Here's a golden oldie from back in the day.

Great News for Acte Gratuit Followers

Hello everyone,

This is Emily's big brother, Brandon. Emily has very kindly invited me to be a guest poster on her blog. I can only assume that she thinks you might get bored while she sleeps each night and that I can offer you some form of entertainment.

Therefore, I propose the following:

Every week on Sunday (the real Sunday, not the Japanese one), I will be posting 1 embarrassing picture of my sweet little sister at the following blog address...

http://fox-call.blogspot.com

Soon you will all be won over to OUR blog and will not ever return to this blog. Bu wa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

We'll call it Slammin' Sunday. It will be most excellent. Here's a little taste to whet your appetites!

All My Blog Are Belong To Him.

As promised, I'm going to continue the sibling profiles with my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SIBLING.

My glorious older brother, Brandon.

Many of you know him by "Brandoneous" or "Brandoneous Maximus". He is the best brother a punk little sister like me could ever have. His hacking skills are absolutely insane. He can gain access to my accounts at will and post whatever in the world he wants to my meager pathetic blog.

I only wish I could be as cool as he is. He's handsome, dashing, tall, has an impeccable sense of humor and can do just about anything in the world he wants to do. I only wish I were that cool.

Happy Pioneer Day & Sammy's Birthday

Did you know July 24th is Pioneer Day?  It is.  Just ask any Utahn.  (It's a state holiday) 

Or a Mormon.  (We're all about Pioneers)

Did you know it's also Sammy's birthday?  And P.B.'s?  Well, it is.

Here in Japan, we (Mormons) celebrated yesterday with a branch party at Citizen's Park off-base.

I made pizza 

and cupcakes...

The creation of the cupcakes only required 28 (3) prototypes and a tiny (huge) mess.

But I'm sure the 5 kids who ate my handcarts (I only had time to make 5 by the time I was done) appreciated them as they scarfed them down.

The main activity of the night was riding down THE HILL!  

I don't know what kind of hill it is.  

Sled Hill?  

Ski Hill?  

Break a Limb in 5 seconds or Less Hill?

Watch the movie and judge for yourself:

Homecoming

Monday morning, Utah time:  

There was no pre-flight anxiety this time.  (Though there should have been.)  Just excitement to be headed home!  And impatience to get through the loooong trip and see my kids and husband again.  Even when Jay and I left a few minutes late and then missed the airport exit, I still wasn't that stressed.

The flight from Salt Lake to San Francisco went smoothly.  In the terminal, I looked out the window at the fog and felt a pang of longing and homesickness for Dental School life.  I bought a novel, a loaf of delicious-smelling Boudin's Sour Dough, a sweatshirt...and boarded my next flight for Haneda Japan.

Thanks to staying up all night Sunday, I was ready to fall asleep.  And I did.  Only a few minutes into the 9.5 hour flight.

I don't know when I woke up, but I guess it had been quite a few hours.  I could smell food and knew I'd missed at least one meal in my sleep.  The cabin rocked a bit from turbulence, but it was nothing I hadn't felt a million times before.  And then it happened.

All of the sudden, it felt like the plane was dropping from the sky.  We went straight down instead of forward.  There were screams as food, drinks, and flight attendants flew through the air and crashed to the floor.

Of course the fasten seat belt light came on with a 'BING' and standing passengers were ordered to sit immediately in the nearest empty seat.

The flight attendant nearest me stayed right where she was...sitting on the isle floor...holding on to the cart to keep it from rolling away. 

The plane continued to rock and bounce but not as dramatically as before.  Over and over in my mind flashed the crash seen from "Lost", the story of Nie Nie, and news reports about the disappearance of the Air France plane...

And then it occurred to me.  I may be the only Christian on this whole plane!  And I started praying to my God and hoped everyone around me was doing the same.  I tried to remember if I'd read my scriptures the day before.  And realized the previous day didn't matter.  It was the whole life that mattered.  

I prayed for the pilot, the plane, myself, my kids and my husband.  And repeat.  The whole prayer over and over again only louder in my head forcing it to penetrate the roof of the plane and reach the ears of God.  My arms weren't folded.  They were gripping the arm rests.

I had the row to myself.  Across the isle, a mom kept her eyes and her hand on the baby next to her--who continued to sleep despite having been bounced fully into the air and back down.

I kept thinking; "I'm going to die alone.  I'm not done with my life and I'm going to die without my husband or kids beside me."  And I prayed again that they'd be okay if I did.

There were a few more big jolts.  A few more screams from passengers.  But the worst was behind us.  The flight attendants were cleaning up messes, talking loudly with false brightness, and all passengers were back in their seats and ordered to stay there.

When the wheels finally touched down much later, half the cabin burst into applause.  I smiled at the family across the isle with relief and saw it mirrored back in their faces.  We'd made it.  The pilot thanked us for choosing United.  I finally exited the plane and placed my feet on solid ground.  I had lived to take another flight.  Two down, one more to go.

Tuesday night, Japan time:

When I finally did arrive home last night, my heart was filled to the brim.  On the other side of the glass, while I waited for my bags, I saw Maxwell smiling his huge grin at me trying to climb straight up the window.  Gabe, in a smiling Doug's arms mouthing "Mama" while pointing at me and laughing.  Sammy, jumping up and down and squealing loud enough to be heard from where I stood.

I'm home.  To the only family that truly matters.  Yes, I love my extended family.  But my heart stays wherever Doug is.  And grows and swells the most when I'm with my kids.

I'm sure the horrible fear from the flight will fade from memory.  And I'm sure one day I'll take another plane trip alone...without husband or kids beside me.  But for now, never would be too soon.

It's good to be home.  

I think I'll stay awhile.

Jenny Jenny Bo-Benny!!!

Dear Readers,

In a few short days I'll get to see my sister Jenny. You may remember when I introduced my family here. But if you don't, I'll refresh your memory. Jenny is the sibling I'm closest to in age. She's number 4, I'm number 5.

Jenny is coming to town for the same reason I'm here: to attend the farewell (at church) for my mom who's going on an 18 month service mission to the Dominican Republic with her husband John.

"What's that?" you say "I thought Fae wasn't going anymore?!?!?!?" Well, she wasn't. She had a health scare and didn't think she could/should go. But then she got better. So they called the mission office. And the mission is back on. Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel. But that's not what we're talking about today. I want to talk about Jenny. (My sister, you'll remember.)

Aside from being a great writer (who should have her own blog) Jenny is...

um...

how shall I put this...

...a "Security Phobe".

"Careful about her Internet Identity,"

"Stalker Conscious"!

(Unlike her little sister the blabber mouth.)

So, although I'd like to tell you more about her, I can't. Not where she lives, not her childrens names. I can tell you she lives in America. And that she's coming to Utah in a few days. (Wait, can I say that?)

The rest? Well, see what you can learn from her Guest Post! Lovingly provided a week or two ago when I told her I had Blog-Writer's-Block (Writers Blogck) (Obviously, it went away) and begged for a witty submission. (She writes hilarious e-mails when the fancy strikes her.) This is the result:

*drumroll*

Please Give a Warm Welcome to...

JENNY LASTNAMEWITHHELD!!!!!

*whistles from the audience*

Deep Thoughts and Dogs

You know the old saying that dogs are a man's best friend? Well, dogs are no friends of mine. I do not like them at all.

No, I don't appreciate or enjoy their smell, their slobbery, sticky tongues, their constantly shedding fur, their evil looking teeth (they all have them you know....just look in their sinister mouths and you'll see), their especially rambunctious characters (or even the sedate lazy ones), their insistence on sniffing here, there, and everywhere during which they ALWAYS take the liberty of slobbering, licking, and shedding their annoying hair all over you.

In fact, don't even get me started on unleashed dogs in public! Oh, or the extremely annoying chorus of barking dogs I hear all night, every night outside my closed window (People, take your blasted dogs inside if they are going to bark ALL NIGHT long!). I could go on...

Now all you dog lovers out there, please understand that I didn't always hate dogs. (And also please note that I hate cats MORE (much, much more) than I hate dogs.)

As a child I loved to hold the neighbor's little puppies and even loved to hold the neighbor's cat. (For anyone who knows me, please sit down and use your inhaler for the shock of this last statement since you haven't seen an animal in my hands or arms or vicinity for years!) I even tried to dress my friend's cat in little doll clothes and hold and cuddle it. I tried this with the puppies too, but with less success.

Now after doing these sweet loving things with the little animals I wanted to adore like babies, my eyes would swell shut, hives erupted on my skin, my nose started the incessant drip (out the nose and post nasal baby), my lungs wheezed, and everything itched.

Then came the Benadryl,

and then darkness,

and then sleep.

Yes, allergies plagued me as a child (and unfortunately still do). Not just allergies to dogs and cats, but also to dust, grass, hay, etc.

Animals were just especially bad allergens for me. My nose was always running. I remember having to use those hard brown paper towels at school to blow my nose (all of the time) until it was raw. The kids called me Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (all the time).

I had people tell me they had hypoallergenic dogs, really really clean dogs, dogs that didn't shed, and so on. But still....the intolerable running, dripping, suffocating, itching madness of it all!

So, over the years I learned to resent the drool, the hair, the dander, the danger! I knew they were ALL out to ruin me!

That is until just this week. After all of these years, I have finally found a dog that I love. A dog that doesn't cause any reaction in me whatsoever, except pure joy! A dog that truly is hypoallergenic, that does not--nor will--ever drool. A dog that smells melodiously delicious and delectable. A dog that will never try to sniff me. A dog that will never chew the couch or my children or me.

A truly PERFECT DOG.

I had three all at once.....

and then we ate them.*

Love,

Jenny

* Please use common sense before consuming dogs. The dogs consumed in this case were cup cakes and not "real" dogs.

Thanks J-bird! Love you!!!

Editor's Note: No dogs were harmed in the making of this blog.

I Know for SURE!

I knew for sure I wasn't in a Japanese airport when I saw;

*An EMPLOYEE (security guy) being RUDE to a CUSTOMER!!! Seriously, where do we get off being such jerks in this country?!?!

*lesbians,

*lots of white people,

*a family of ten

*and a very tall man.

I knew for sure I wasn't driving in Japan when I;

*kept turning my windshield wipers on when I was trying to change lanes,

*couldn't turn left on red,

*almost had a head-on collision due to repeatedly pulling out onto the left side of the road,

*had access to more than one English radio station,

*and had to drive over 70 kph. (70, which is the fastest freeway speed you'll find in Japan, happens to be very slow. And people in Utah drive VERY FAST! Even having been one of those people, I'd forgotten and was being passed right and left on the freeway.)

I knew for sure I wasn't eating out in Japan when I;

*couldn't look at plastic models of my food in the restaurant window before ordering,

*had access to dairy items on the menu,

*went to Cafe Rio, and a Gelatto Place, and a Soup and Sandwich place,

*and wasn't offered Green Tea anywhere!

BUT it's being surrounded by family and old friends that has absolutely convinced me I'm no longer in Japan.

And it's good to be home!


OH YEAH! I kept meaning to post more (other than about the toilets) about our awesome camping/rock climbing trip but I never did. So Dougie did it! Click here. And be sure to click on the picture of Gabe pouting. It's priceless.

For Posterity:
So far I've gotten to see all three of Doug's sisters, their husbands and cute kids, his wonderful parents, my cousin Kim, her hubby and new baby Coleman, and our great dental school friends Kim and Brett. (Who kindly drove all the way from Logan to see me!) It's been very busy but very fun and relaxing at the same time. Tomorrow I head South for even more love. Can't wait!