Sleep in Bathroomly Peace

*Warning:  Disturbing Mental Images may commence.*

**If you go to church with me on Sunday, you're gonna feel like I've done a whole bunch of over-sharing next time you see me.**

I've been reading a lot of non-fiction lately.  It's not always fun, but sometimes it's necessary for overall life and familial improvement.

For example, right now I'm reading a number of different books.  (All scattered through-out various locations of the house and car and read at different times.)  One is about ADHD, one about Mental Health, one on Gardening and one about Organization.  (Oh, and I frequently reference "How to Choose the S-e-x of Your Baby".)

The one about organization is called "Sidetracked Home Executives" and this is my second (third?) time reading it.

Before Gabey was born, I read it and used it to get my life in order.  The system recommended, though it takes some time to set up, really works well for Mom's with ADD or a high level of distractibility.  (That would be me.)  

Unfortunately, after Gabey was born, I took an organization-vacation and let my good habits become a distant memory.   So now I'm starting all over again.

But it's hard.

Really, really hard.

For example, one of the recommendations/rules is to get up half an hour before your kids.  That way, you can shower and dress before they get up and you're ready to start your day.  This is excellent and sound advice.  

In theory.  

In reality, my kids get up WAY too early.  I'm a night owl and I'd much rather sleep until 9 and let the little hellions fend for themselves.  But THAT tends to backfire and always results in a big mess in the kitchen and Max putting three cups of sugar on his oatmeal.  Oh, and me spending the day in sweats; bra-less and make-up-less.  Which isn't the breakfast of champions.

So I've resolved to do better.  Actually, I've resolved to have Doug force me to do better.  This means, he (literally) drags me out of bed at 6:30, gives me a swift smack on the rear, and shoves me into the bathroom.  (Oh, and by-the-way, usually at least one kid is already up at this un-godly hour.  It's just that I'm not willing to get up any earlier.)

This has been working relatively well until today.  Today we (I) hit a snag.

The problem is, we have a hamper in our bathroom.  

Why is this a problem???  Because when it's pulled in front of the toilet and a sweatshirt is sitting on the lid, it makes a perfect headrest.  For me.  When I'm sitting on the...*eh-hem* throne.

At which point...I fall asleep.  

That's what happened this morning.  I fell asleep.  For a good 15 minutes by my estimate.

So when I woke up with dropped trou and wicker marks embedded deeply into my forehead, I just gave up trying and went back to bed.  

***IMPORTANT!  Doug had neglected to pull up the comforter, so really, this is all his fault.  The book, which I forced Doug to read, clearly states that an unmade bed acts as a high-powered magnet to pull a Sidetracked Home Executive, like myself, back in.***

I nestled back into my cocoon of Nova-Form Mattress Topper and Synthetic-Down Comforter bliss.  And of course, fell immediately back to sleep.  

Unfortunately, it wasn't the peaceful sleep of the innocent.  It was restless and haunted by the knowledge that Doug was still somewhere in the house and might at any moment discover my treachery.  Which he did.  Just before he left for work at at 6:50.  

This time, when he grabbed me by the ankles to yank me from bed, he was far less gentle.  And there was considerable "tsk-tsk"ing and reprimanding accompanying this second shove into the bathroom.

This evening when he recollected my fall from grace he said, "It's like living with a 12-year-old!"

REALLY!!!  HMPFH!!!

I don't know If I can handle this kind of abuse to body, mind, and spirit.  I don't know if a clean house and orderly life are worth it!  Do YOU?!?!?

I think I'm going to use my Pottery Teaching money to hire a Mama-san to clean for me!

And then I'm going back to reading fiction!!!

Goodnight!!!

Hooray for BOOKS!

I love to read. I love to read a LOT.

Sometimes to the detriment of my social life. Like when I give a bad review to one of my friends favorite books. Or like when I take my novel to family functions with the in-laws and they mock me ruthlessly. (Hey, Doug takes his book too.)

I think I may have inherited this obsessive love from my father who always has a book with him. He used to read while driving to California for our family vacations. Yes, WHILE DRIVING. He propped Louis L'Amour on the steering wheel. If you ever run into him at Disneyland (which isn't hard to do) you'll find he has his book there too. Just in case he has to stand in line and happens to find his companions boring. (It happens a lot.)

Or, I may have inherited it from my mom who seemingly read herself to sleep every night of her life. I remember her coming out of her bathroom, cozy nightgown on, smelling like Keri Lotion, and climbing into bed to read to me. Or for me to read to her. Or for us to read together.

Or it could have been motivated at first by greed since we got paid a penny a page to read as kids.

Whatever has caused this slight dysfunction, me and reading go together like ink and paper. That's why I'm so happy with the last two packages I've gotten.

Yesterday a package came from Amazon with my name on it. It was pretty much the same thing that happened in February. Knowing I hadn't bought anything, I wondered if this was something Doug had ordered using my Amazon account. Once again, I figured if that was the case, too bad for him. I opened it to find this awesomeness:

The Superior Person's Book of Words by Peter Bowler from our fabulous friends, the Dunn's.

(And did I ever mention I really love big words? I do.) I can't wait to read this.

A week or so previous to this, I opened a package from my sister and found this little bit of love:

A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute

Jenny promises it will be one of my favorites. I'm only about 2 chapters in, but so far, so good. She also recommends renting the mini-series after I finish it. Fine by me! Only thing better than a good book, is a good book made into a mini-series! Especially if it's produced by A&E like my favorite: "Pride & Prejudice - The 5-hour version." (That's not exactly the official title.)

Some may find all this reading a waste of time. But without it, this blog wouldn't be nearly as egregious*ly executed with such afflatus** and might just succumb to battology***.

So like I said before; HOORAY FOR BOOKS!

*Exceptional. An interesting example of a word that has gradually changed from complimentary to pejorative in its usage, being now most commonly found immediately preceding the word ass.

**A sudden rush of divine or poetic inspiration.

***The continual reiteration of the same words or phrases in speech or writing.