Duh nuh! Duh nuh! Duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh...

As I sit here at the computer the slightly uncomfortable tingling on the back of my sunburned thighs reminds me of our trip to the beach a few days ago. The day I came face to face with death and laughed in his ugly face.


Allow me to set the stage:
It was another idyllic day in Destin. The water was warm, the sand white, and the waters of the emerald coast were, well...emerald!

The Chefs* and the Dubs** had bravely ventured to the beach despite adults being outnumbered by children 2 to 1.

The children were frolicking happily in the sand and Gabe and I were in knee-deep water cooling off and gazing out at the horizon.

I must have felt the stares, because something (finally) caused me to turn towards shore. Which is when I saw a large crowd gathered on the beach staring at me! "They must have heard of my blog!" I thought to myself. "Either that, or I look hotter than usual in this tankini!" (Actually, I thought: "Crap! There must have been dolphins out there and I missed them AGAIN!")

Then I realized a few things simultaneously. There were only five people left in the water, Gabe and I, two other swimmers, and a life guard. And the life guard was pointing and saying something...
about a shark.

Turns out, a shark was swimming close to shore and the life guard was getting everyone out of the water. Except Gabe and I who were/are, evidently, fearless. (read: clueless)

Unfortunately, although everyone else saw the shark, I didn't.

Fortunately, I have proof of my bravery! Joe was on the shore alternately yelling at me to "GET OUT" and snapping pictures. Which is why I have pictorial evidence of my brush with Jaws!(read: cluelessness).

Unfortunately, no matter how big I blow up the picture, it still just looks like a tiny black shadow. But nonetheless, the fact remains that I battled nature and WON!

Except that nature fried the crap out of my formerly pasty white legs.

So lets just call it a draw.




*This is a clever play on their real last name, and you'd be laughing at my cleverness if you knew what that was.

**This stands for "W" which is the first letter of Wilberforce which is my last name.

How to Acquire a Step-Twin

(This is where I would place a scanned copy of Ang's 8th grade class picture. IF all my scrapbooks weren't on a Slow Boat to China! er, Japan!)

Angelique and I met in Mrs. Ball's 8th grade History Class. The class was full of perverted pre-pubescent boys (Standard Butler Middle School fare) and only 4 or 5 girls. I remember scoping out friend prospects and sensing that Angie and I might be compatible. Similar height and build, of average coolness and popularity; not a nerd, but not stuck up. I thought we might get along. And I needed someone to pass notes to so I wouldn't have to pay attention. (Can you say ADD? See the "C" grade on my report card.)

It didn't take long for me to realize I'd been very wrong. I had WAY underestimated her coolness.


We got to be good, but not close friends that year. I still have a note from her from that class. I stuck it on one of my many "Ang pages" in my scrapbook. It's scrawled on a little torn scrap of paper that was crumpled and probably thrown to me 4 seats back. It says "Some people drive me CRAZY!!!"

Yep. We were kindred spirits right from the start.

In 9th grade my family moved and I had the option to change schools. I was thrilled to leave skeezy Butler behind so the next year I transferred to Wasatch Junior High and joined the cream of the Wasatch Front. Unfortunately, Ang and I lost touch as un-cell-phoned, pre-computered kids tended to do in those days.

(Insert scanned copy of my 9th grade picture showing me with a space between my two front teeth (I'd just had a palate expander put in) and a flat-chest. We're late-bloomers in my family. Like really really really and expensively late!)

BUT then (fortunately) I went back to Brighton for High School (fed by Butler) instead of staying with the Upper Crust at Skyline High.

And that's when it happened... 1st day, 1st class, I looked down the row of kids lined up along the gym wall in Phys Ed...and saw Angie. In that class we realized our mutual love of Badminton and we've been BFF's ever since.

Angelique has done so much for me over the years, it's hard to know where to begin. First of all, she instantly accepted me and made me part of her group of long-time friends. When I was 16 and my parents were on the verge of separating, Ang would come over and drag me out of the house and out of my funk. (Even though I would tell her I just wanted to stay home and sleep.) She defended me from a VERY livid father when I got in a fender bender on the way to a Brighton football game. When I moved to Carlsbad, she wrote hilarious letters faithfully and came to visit more than once. When I went back to Salt Lake to visit, I stayed at her house. When we graduated from High School, we moved into my sister's basement together and started UVSC together.
Then we moved to The Glenwood together.
Then we moved to Carlsbad, CA together.

That's probably where we made our big plans. We were going to stay in Carlsbad and go to school there. (The community college was super cheap and we were making pretty big bucks working office temp jobs.)
Then we would go on missions at the same time.
Then we were going to be roommates again until we were 30...
when we would get married on the same day...
wearing Austen-era inspired wedding dresses.
Then we'd live next door to each other forever.

I messed things up first when I decided to move back to Utah to go to BYU.
And then dropped out, (I did love me some short-shorts in those days.)
and went to UVSC,
but did not drop out,
and did not go on a mission.
Then got engaged,
and un-engaged,
then met Doug at "The Rock Garden,"
and got married 4 months later,
while Ang was still on her mission.
(My bishop told us not to wait for her! Oh, he of little faith!)

Needless to say, we didn't stay roommates until we were 30.

But we're both 30 now, and we're housemates. So that's something!

(This is where I wish I could insert a current picture of Ang and I together, both looking fabulous and happy in front of our beautiful mansions right next door to each other in Carlsbad.)

(Except I don't have one of those. (I'm sure it's somehow Bush's fault.)
So I'll just say this;)

"I love you Angelique! Thanks for letting me be your housemate (if not your roommate) one more time. Thanks for everything. And I mean everything. You rock!!!"

Now everyone else, quit blubbering into your tissue and go call your friends and tell them you love them. DO IT NOW! (See how bossy I am?)

;)

Ode to Ang

Me, Lesley, and Ang circa 1998-ish. Carlsbad, CA

Who is this Angelique who's letting Emily and three small (but powerfully hyper) boys stay at her house you ask? (What, you didn't ask? Tough!)

Allow me to introduce her with an incident that took place a few days ago.

(If this starts to sound a little like a love letter at the end, that's 'cause it is one.)

(This is the "C" family a year and a half ago when we met them at D-world.)

The kids had just gotten into the pool. Claire (almost 3) and Curtis (4) are both proficient swimmers. Max is getting there, and Sam was wearing a life jacket.

I was outside watching them, but then went in to get something. Only a minute later, Ang started heading out the back door and I was just a step behind her. All of the sudden, I hear "CLAIRE, OH MY GOSH...!" and watch as Ang does a perfect swan dive, fully clothed, into the pool. Just before she goes in, I see the top of Claire's head over her shoulder, but I can't see anything wrong.

Ang saw Claire drowning. Her forehead was above water, but her mouth and nose were under and she wasn't able to get up. Luckily, Ang had her out of the water in about 3.5 seconds.

Evidently, Claire was chasing a noodle and ended up in the deep end of the pool. I don't know if she got tired, or just started to panic when she couldn't reach it, but when Ang saw her, she was grasping the pool-vacuum tube trying to pull herself up, kicking and panicking. Unfortunately, the tube barely has enough buoyancy to keep itself afloat so it wasn't helping.

Not only did Ang save her daughters life, she did it with perfect grace and agility.

This is a good introduction to my best friend. She's pretty much just a better version of me. Let's put it this way, she's a brand spankin new I-Mac and I'm a 5-year-old Dell Inspiron 6000 that breaks down CONSTANTLY and always needs tech support from India! (Not that I would know anything about a piece of crap 5-year-old Inspiron 6000 that is constantly getting the Blue Screen of Death and has to have its whole system rebooted on a regular basis!!!!!!!)

She's more spiritual, more practical, more educated, much more thrifty, more patient with her kids, and WAY more athletic, graceful, and coordinated. Not only that, she doesn't boss! (Now don't start getting a complex all you P.C.'s out there! You're good enough and smart enough, and a few people even like you too!)

When we're together, people ask us if we're sister's (or twins) all the time. She says "No, we're step-twins." and walks off leaving them looking baffled. I wish we were related, but I'll take what I can get! P.C.'s can't be too picky, ya know.

Tomorrow...the story of how we met!

P.S. Yes. I have learned my lesson. I will never, ever, ever again shirk my life-guarding duties even for one minute. Not ever ever ever. Ever. So help me.

Life and Times in Niceville

So what's it like being a sister-wife with a cumulative total of 6 kids? It's pretty awesome. And pretty tiring.

In case you're confused, right now I'm in Florida staying with my friend Ang while Doug is in Alabama. Ang has three kids, I have three kids. In case you're not following the math, that's six kids. One 6.5 year old, one 4.5 year old, one almost 4 year old, one almost 3 year old, one 1 year old, and one 6 week old. And for the man of the house, that's one wife, and one wife's step-twin/sister-wife. (What, you didn't know Ang and I are step-twins? We are.) Poor Joe.

So what have we been doing? Besides crowd control, Ang and I have been talking incessantly. (I don't think there has ever been a time we've run out of things to talk about.) At least when we can hear each other over the constant din. And then there's swimming, (usually in the late afternoon right before dinner) Free Movie day, Story Time at the library, the splash park...Ang keeps busy and we're happy to tag along.

The boys are surviving their father's absence but it's making Max a lot more sneaky and Sam a lot more whiny. And unfortunately, Gabe has an ear infection, so that's not helping matters. (See, Gabe sucked on Adia's bulb syringe and now has her ear and eye infections!) It makes me very grateful I'm not a single mom and that USUALLY, the boys get to see (and wrestle) their Daddy every day. Fortunately, Joe is exerting some manly influence over them in the evenings so they're not turning into mini-me's. (With all that implies)

The good news is, this weekend we're headed up to Maxwell AFB for a visit! It's about a 3 hour drive. We're going to hang out Saturday and Sunday on the base with Doug! His "flight" (aka group of 15) earned permission to leave their complex, (like a dormitory, I think) but not permission to leave the base. So we'll probably bowl on base, do a little shopping on base, play at a playground on base, and then we'll leave and go to a hotel off-base--without Doug--for the night.

On Sunday, he's allowed to leave base for church, so we'll go with him, then probably head back down here Sunday afternoon.
This is why we're staying here. So we can see Doug any chance we get. Which is obviously not very much. We can't even spend all day Saturday with him because he has a lot of studying to do that morning for an upcoming test. They have lot's of tests.


BUT, we're all surviving. And we're half way through. (YAY!) And then maybe someday, we'll get our passports and make it to Japan! But in the mean time, Ang and I have to discuss hair high lights. And children's nutrition. And boys.

Just like old times.

Almost.

P.S. Just because I've done a new post, doesn't mean you still don't have to comment on the last one.
Get on it!
Chop Chop!
(I can't let the bossiness go. It's in my nature. Now, COMMENT!)

From Montgomery Alabama to Niceville Florida

Well, I made it! I finally reached my destination Tuesday night after what seemed like WEEKS of car travel. The boys and I are finally here in Niceville, Florida. (Right next to Destin.) We stayed in Montgomery, Alabama one night and actually got TWO visit's with Doug on Monday night and Tuesday afternoon. It was hard for me to leave him, but it was NOT hard for me to say good-bye to Alabama! That place made me sweat in a MOST un-ladylike fashion. In fact, I think it's fair to say 'ah wuz sweatin' lahk uh stuhk pig in Ju-ly!' (I must confess, I do like the quaint southern accents!)

(Seriously Alabama! What is your deal?!? Don't you know that 101 degrees with 100% humidity is NOT the way to impress tourists? And furthermore, have you no sympathy for the men and women who have to march around all day in the heat??!!?? Well guess what? You are NOT my favorite state! Take THAT!!!)

Anyway, my experiences of Tuesday are still a little too tramatic for me to want to blog about. Needless to say, when the woman in the passport office told me it would take 4-6 weeks for my passport to come, and that Yes, I'd have to travel to Japan alone with my three kids, without Doug, I about lost it then and there.

Fortunately, Doug's Major stepped in, helped me (us) to finish everything we needed to do, and I was able to leave Alabama and Maxwell Air Force Base behind me and finish my journey to the promised land of white sand beaches. (And more importantly, to the home of my BFF, Angelique who has gratiously taken me in...with my brood.) Which is where I am now.

I think it's safe to say I have a Major crush on Doug's Major. (But it's the strictly platonic, you- saved-my-life-and-sanity, extreme gratitude kind of crush! I have the same crush on our R.I. mechanic. Doug understands. He has the same crush. Don't tell him I told you.)

Anyway, it's good to be in a home again (not that the boys didn't LOVE Hampton Inn's breakfast buffet...) and it's FABULOUS to be with Ang. If only my scrapbooks weren't busy travelling around the world, I could show you a pleothora of pictures of Ang and I through the years. (We've been friends since middle school and were college roommates.)

But more on Ang later. It's late and I no longer drink caffinated beverages so I'm pretty darn tired. I fell asleep while tucking the boys in, missed my nightly call from Doug, and forced myself to stay awake just to update both blogs. Which reminds me: I updated Doug's blog with an e-mail from him. Check it out here!

Goodnight!