"How To" of the Day

It's starting to sink in. I'm outnumbered and surrounded. There's no escaping and no guarantee of reprieve in the future. The situation is what it is and I have to get used to it.


I'm the mother of three boys!


I've always wanted kids. In fact, growing up as the youngest of five kids (six when foster brother Ferlando lived with us) I compensated for not having a younger sibling by babysitting every chance I got. My life aspiration was to have 10 kids and own a daycare center. As I got older, the number of kids got lower and the daycare plans went out the window. While babysitting all five of my sister's kids for her one week, I started to wonder if I liked kids at all. (My mom had to reassure me that I did.)


Aside from that week, (and maybe one other babysitting my brother's six kids for him) there has never been a time I didn't want to be a full time mom for a living. (Which reminds me, I need to put in for a raise.)

That said, I never envisioned my home full of boys. If anything, I'm sure I planned for equal numbers of girls and boys (I'm anal like that) or figured the boys would be out numbered by girls--like in my house growing up. I just never figured I'd be the sole member of the minority party. (Is THIS how liberals feel in Utah??)


That is why lately I've been re-evaluating my parenting techniques and working on increasing my PATIENCE with--and understanding of--the male species!!! Here are a few things I'm coming to grips with:


To be a successful mother of sons you must: (and by "you" I mean "I")


Quit ogling (and sometimes buying for the future) tea sets, doll houses, and pink clothes every time you shop.


Learn to play with action figures. This means you have to think like a boy. Captain Jack and Will Turner want to FIGHT. They do NOT want to garden, have a tea party, or be nice Daddies who do the dishes. They want to dismember each other.


Quit hating sports. You have very athletic children and years of spectating before you. Just accept that your Saturday mornings will never ever be free ever again and invest in a good lawn chair and cooler.


Accept that your boys will come inside from playing completely filthy and smelling of wet dog. And furthermore, they will NOT stop digging in the dirt and will NEVER wipe their feet adequately before entering the house.


Potty words are here to stay. Just like the bodily functions they represent, they will never cease being a large part of your life.


Instead of being offended at being brutally stabbed, shot, and/or impaled in all pretend battles, be flattered that you were worthy enough to be chosen as an adversary.


Keep lots of Febreze Air Effects, Lysol Wipes, Hand Sanitizer, and snacks (for bribery and personal fortification) on-hand at all times.

Check the toilet seat before sitting down.

So far, that's all I've come up with. If you have any suggestions, comments, or tips, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.

What Faezer Has Done So Far...

She has:
Held Gabriel, gazed at Gabriel, bathed Gabriel, cooed at Gabriel, changed Gabriel, been peed upon by Gabriel, and then held Gabriel some more.

Finished "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult which I got for her at the library, (it takes place in Providence and is an EXCELLENT book.) and has started "I Am A Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. (I just got this from my Mother-in-law, read it and loved it.)

Watched "Indiscreet" with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman while ironing shirts for Doug. (Shirts that have never seen the hot side of an iron before, I might add.)

Mended a baby blanket and a pair of Maxwell's jammies.

Folded piles of laundry much to my chagrin and relief.

Read numerous books to Max and Sam, watched Max and Sam play, supervised Max and Sam painting, given Max rides to school, and stayed with Sam while I've given Max rides to school.

Eaten yummy food including a delectable dinner at "Iggy's Doughboys and Chowder House" by the beach.


On the agenda for the rest of her trip: More of the same PLUS a trip to Christmas Tree Shop's, (a New England must-see) a few visit's to Boston, more eating out, and I'm going to try to get her on the trampoline. I'll also try feebly to convince her to stop doing laundry. (Hopefully she won't agree to that last one.)

*sigh*

The last week and a half since Doug's mom left has been the longest of my life. Getting out of the house and into the car with three kids is not a job for sissy's.

(Especially when one kid is a prolific pooper and needs numerous diaper--and clothing--changes all right before leaving the house.) Max missed three days of school this week simply because I could not get four people ready to leave at the same time.

On Wednesday I was actually doing pretty well. I was organized, showered, and had all three boys clean, dressed and ready to go. Max and Gabriel had Dr. appointments and we were going to go there and then straight to preschool. Unfortunately, when I got to the door, my keys weren't on their hook. I checked my purse. No luck. I searched the whole house and car...still no joy. I had to call 3 minutes before my appointment and cancel due to brain loss. Too bad AAA doesn't hotwire cars.

The keys are still lost and I'm wondering if I threw them away.

Lucky for me, Fae has arrived just in time to save me from becoming a crazed, twitching lunatic unable to leave the house or even get out of bed. (Faezer is my most excellent mother, for those of you who haven't had the priviledge of meeting her.)

She got here Wednesday night and my life instantly got easier. Yesterday, I got to leave Sammers and Gabriel in the car while I dropped Max off at Preschool. Then, on the way home, Fae ran into the store for a gallon of milk while I stayed with the boys. Today when I took a shower, I didn't even worry about the screaming in the other room. I knew Fae would prevent any fatal injuries. Today I get to go to the grocery store ALL BY MYSELF!

Life doesn't get much better than that. (Well, maybe if Gabe were already sleeping through the night, but I wont press my luck...)

All I can say is, hooray for FAE!

Just Wondering...

Is it just me, or...
do commercials for depression medication make anyone else really really depressed?
("Where does depression hurt? EVERYWHERE! Who does depression hurt? EVERYONE!!!")

and is anyone else ever tempted to wipe down your messy kid with a Lysol Wipe?

(Doesn't it just seem like it would be more effective than a baby wipe?)

Just a few questions I've been pondering lately during the 12 or so hours I spend nursing each day. I wish I could say I've come up with the solution to global warming or something, but no...I spend my time pondering the wipe issue.

I've also decided that Gabriel has the most perfectly shaped baby ears ever . I spend lots of time staring at them, and I'm pretty darn sure of myself. If you don't agree, I defy you to prove me wrong with a picture of YOUR kids ears! (Don't bother...you'll just embarrass yourself and your kid.)

In the mean time, Sr. and sons are keeping busy in the yard. Doug has built some garden beds and the boys have helped him plant lots of veggie seeds.
It's kept them busy and gotten them all extremely dirty on a regular basis. Hence, the question of the Lysol Wipes.

Well, I need to feed baby now. And I have some important things to ponder. I'll let you know if I come up with anything brilliant.

But don't hold your breath...

Quotes and Miscommunications

From the Hospital:

Sam upon first meeting his new brother: (with considerable confusion and consternation.)
"He not talking to me!!!"

Nurse Murray when I explained I'd tried five times to wake up Gabe to nurse him:
"You can lead a baby to boobie, but you can't make him eat!" (I really liked Nurse Murray...she seemed extremely wise!)

While at the hospital there was considerable talk of my "Johnny". Not being able to decifer the nurses STRONG Rhode Island accents most of the time anyway, I just ignored them when they said things like "I'll bring you a new Johnny." or "We need to change your Johnny." (Afterall, they were constantly bringing me stuff and changing other stuff at the same time.) It wasn't until I got home that Doug told me they call Hospital Gowns "Johnny's". Who knew???

And you probably also didn't know that to get to the food room you have to "bang a right".

Gotta love it here!

Another Superstar in the Family

She's done it again! My friend Jen did an awesome photo shoot of Gabe yesterday. I'm so in love with these pictures! Check out her blog to see all of them. www.jenniferlee.typepad.com

Sunshiney Days

Doug's mom left early this morning.

At 9 a.m. I took Max to Kindergarten orientation and had to face the reality of my little boy starting real school in a few months.

This afternoon I finished my current book "New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer. (More about it later.)

I also realized that Doug's vacation is coming to an end and he'll be gone full-time again starting on Monday.

All of these things have combined to snap me back into reality a little too harshly. After the relaxing, worry-free week I've had, I'm feeling a severe sense of loss.



Luckily, I have a little something to ease the pain:



(Gabriel had a bit of jaundice so he's outside getting a little sunshine therapy in these pictures. This was before the Doctor told us, "Just don't put him in direct sunlight. Make sure it's filtered through a window." Don't worry...he didn't get sunburned.)

I should blog...

...but I'd rather just gaze.
I mean, wouldn't you if you had such a cute little angel to stare at???

It's begun...

For updates and news on labor and delivery click here...

Love,

Bartimaeus (guest blogger)

Finally!

Today is the last day of my pregnancy! I went to the Doctor this morning and she'll be inducing me early tomorrow. I am really excited and really freaked out!

But mostly excited for the reasons listed in this post. Speaking of which, my friend Ginger commented that she wanted to know some of the things I LIKE about being pregnant. Well, it's taken me awhile, but here's my list:

1. It's much easier to crush milk cartons since I weigh twice as much now.

2. I can demand insane amounts of food and blame the baby. (I intend to do this while nursing, though, too.)

3. It's fun to watch my belly undulate. (When it's not causing painful contractions or the immediate need to pee.)

4. I get an adorable little baby out of the deal. (Of course, adoptive mothers also get adorable babies AND they get to keep their cute belly buttons.)

So, I guess what I'll miss the most is the ease of bottle crushing.

That's all I've got for ya, G.

I'm sure I'll be back to posting in a few days. In the mean time, WISH ME LUCK (and a small-headed son)!!!

Remembering A Great Day

*Note: I wrote this on Monday the 23rd, but had to scan some photos for it before posting. Today it's raining.

Today is a beautiful day. After weeks of cold, dreary, gray weather, it got up to a record breaking 85 degrees. Driving home from Max's preschool, I had the radio turned way up and the windows down. All of the sudden I remembered a great day from about 10 years ago.

Brace yourself: I'm not known for my concise story-telling style. (But that's why I'm including crappy old scrapbook photos...to keep you interested.)

After my freshman year at UVSC, I took a year off to work. I moved home to Carlsbad and brought Angelique and Lesley (two Brighton H.S.* alumni) with me.

(Me, Lesley, and Ang before our "Super Date" with Heath, Danny, and Spencer.)

We rented an awesome condo from Paul's (Carlsbad H.S. alumni) dad in a very nice gated complex with swimming pool, hot-tub and sauna. (Anna joined us later followed by Fletch who took Lesley's room when she moved home.)

Paul, Rama, and Me contemplating fire and Christmas-y things.

We immediately met and started consorting with numerous guys from the Single's Ward and I started dating a hilarious Will-Ferrell-channeling guy who spoiled me rotten.Basically, we had a freaking awesome time living in one of the most beautiful places on earth. (If you exclude the drama's that come from a bunch of hormonal and emotional females living together who all start getting their period's on the same schedule.)
The majority of my time there, I worked at Adam's Design Group as a receptionist and personal assistant to Nancy Adams, Interior Designer. I felt pretty good about earning $10/hour. Much more than whatever measly wage I was earning in Utah.

My job was pretty plush. Located in a breezy office suite a few blocks from the beach and close to the Flower Fields, I LOVED going to work every day. Sometimes, as part of my duties, I would run a few errands for my boss Nancy.
One day I had to take some paperwork across town to another office. It was 70 degrees and beautiful outside. (as usual) I was incredibly happy to be driving around in the middle of the day and getting paid for it. (Plus money for gas and miles, I might add...) So of course, I had the windows down, the sunroof open, and the radio blasting.

I should mention that this is the one time in my life I've had a cool car. I had a very nice black Honda Accord with a surf rack on top. (Which I never used but which made me look that much cooler. Oh, and there was that excellent "Madness" sticker from Spin Records on the back.)

I remember I was driving North on El Camino and had just come into the area where lights get closer together and traffic starts to slow down. (You know, right around Rama and Wahine's house.)

(Yes, we look goofy, but we were at D-land in this pic...)

Did I mention it was a really beautiful day and I was in a super good mood?

So I'm cruising along and I come to the first red light I've hit in awhile and slow to a stop. Just then, feeling someone staring at me, I turn to look into the car next to me.

I still remember exactly what I saw. A twenty-something man, windows down, staring unabashedly at me with wide, shocked eyes; his mouth literally hanging wide open. At this point I realized that aside from blasting the radio, I was singing at the extreme top of my lungs. And I'm sure I was probably also drumming the steering wheel to the beat.

The thing is, it wasn't like I was belting to Alanis.

Due to my extensive work in a professional office environment, I'd become accustom to listening to KYXY 96.5 at work. (You know...Easy Listening with No Repeat Work Days!?) I guess that carried over to my mid-day errand, because instead of pumping 91x, I was indeed blasting KYXY (pronounced: Kick-see).

I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure the song was of the Toni Braxton "Unbreak My Heart" variety. As opposed to, say, something respectable like "Black Hole Sun". (I mean, you can really get into both of those if you turn them up high enough!)

Luckily, I was in such a good mood, I just started smiling and kept right on singing to his face until the light changed and I was once again on my way.

THAT was a GREAT DAY!!!

Now, add 10 years to my age. Take away the cool car and mini-skirt and replace with a mini-van and too tight maternity shirt. Replace ex-boss Nancy with current boss Maxwell; funny ex-boyfriend with fabulous husband. Switch from Southern California to Rhode Island and you have almost an exact replica.

Because TODAY was another GREAT day!

*I moved from S.L.C., UT (where I attended Brighton High School) to Carlsbad, CA (where I graduated from Carlsbad High School) in the middle of my Junior Year.

Book Review

Super Husband takes really good care of me. About once a week, he takes Max to the library and they come home with a whole slew of books and Books-on-C.D. for the whole family. Usually, for me he picks something he thinks I'll like, something he knows I'll like, and something that has a cool cover.

So the other day, he brought home "The Mermaid Chair" on C.D. by Sue Monk Kidd, saying "Isn't this one you wanted to read?" YES! I'd been wanting to read it ever since it came out, but hadn't gotten around to it. The reason I wanted it is because I absolutely LOVED "The Secret Life of Bees". THAT is one of those books that leaves you depressed because you've finished reading it and there is no sequel. It was SUPER good and I loved it.

So, I was excited to get Mermaid Chair on C.D. (I love having something to listen to in the kitchen.) Let me just say right now, I was SO hugely disappointed. Right from the beginning I was annoyed at the premise and annoyed at the main character's incredible narcissism, self-justification, and lack of a single moral fiber! The only thing that made me keep listening was the fact that there was a mystery involved. (Very secondary sub-plot to the s.e.xual musings and antics of the main character.) Unfortunately, I CANNOT stop reading a book without knowing how the mystery is solved. So I had to settle for skipping past the numerous s.e.x scenes (WITH A BLOODY MONK, no less!) until the end when the truth came out and the mystery was solved.

Therefore, for what it's worth, I give "The Mermaid Chair" two thumbs way down. And I'll give Sue Monk Kidd a swift kick in the pants and a lecture if I ever get a chance to meet her. If this is a book you loved, don't tell me. I don't want to know.
NEXT!

"Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer
I didn't know before I got this one that it falls into the "adolescent/teen" category. Therefore, I was surprised at how many adults had recommended it to me. (I thought Doug and I were the only ones who LOVE books geared to this age group.)

Anyway, I finished this not too long ago and loved it. Like "Secret Life..." it leaves you wanting 200 more pages. It really was extremely entertaining and engaging and I was sad when I finished it. I'm looking forward to the sequel which I believe is called "New Moon". (We requested it from the library last night.) In conclusion, two thumbs up!

I'd keep going down my list of just finished books, but I think I'd better pop in Doug's latest library gift and get to work on my messy kitchen! Hooray for BOOKS!!!

Well, I NEVER!!!

My husband is getting more and more into blogging...and I don't know if it's a good thing. His latest post is quite snippy! I think he's just been biding his time waiting for a chance to get back at me for the "He Said, She Said" post.

Punk!

Prego Musings

It ain't pretty...it's my body.

Things I wont miss about being 8 months pregnant

• Hair LOSS on my head, hair GROWTH on my face and stomach. (Some good waxing will be in order shortly after I give birth.)
  
• Linea Negra (As if my stomach hasn't suffered enough with the ignominious belly-button.)
  
• Not being able to lean over or bend down without extreme discomfort and lots of grunting.
  
• The feeling of suffocating every time I lay down at night.
  
• Acid reflux every time I lay down at night.
  
• Once in bed at night; not being able to roll over, not being able to sleep in any 'ol position, not being able to sit up, and not being able to sleep through the night due to frequent potty breaks.
  
• Pea-sized bladder that always feels full.
  
• Pea-sized bladder with fluid retention issues.
  
• Spider veins blossoming/exploding across my legs.
  (Some women get horrible varicose veins which are even worse.)
• Needing at least 45 minutes to shave my legs.
  
• Stretch marks.
• Freaky belly-button.
  
• Skin discoloration in the form of random brown spots on my stomach.
  
• Hot flashes. (I've actually had to sleep WITHOUT socks for the last week!)
  
• Extreme sensitivity to smells. I can smell garlic from the next county. (Diaper changing was no fun either.)
  
• Tiny flashes of light always in my peripheral vision. (Someone told me it's an optical migraine?)
  
• Really needing a pedicure but not being able to reach my feet.
  
• Having to rely on my 5-year-old to put my socks on for me. (sometimes he just doesn't WANT to!)
  
• Sudden food cravings that seem to be a matter of life or death.
  
• A voracious appetite that has not only caused exponetial weight gain, but severe g.i. issues as well.
• Being kicked so much that my stomach is actually bruised...on the inside.
  
• Thick ankles.
  
• Not being able to walk through a doorway with a laundry basket.
  
• Serious mental illness in the form of memory loss. (Like not being able to remember if I've already conditioned my hair in the shower...)
• Contractions that feel like there's an elephant sitting on my stomach.

I could go on, but the list gets pretty graphic from here on out. Let's just say I can't wait to meet this little guy, and sooner would be preferable to later!

I have to go now because preschool starts in an hour and a half and I need to start the process of getting my socks and shoes on. Wish me luck.

Superstar

My friend Fabulous Photographer Jen, has once again done an awesome photo shoot!

(Of course, she does awesome photo shoots like every day of the week, so it's not like this is a new thing.)

This time, however, instead of my kids being the subjects,
I am the (somewhat uncoordinated and slow moving) superstar!!!

If you'd like to see me in all of my 8.25 months of pregnant glory, click HERE!

And if you'd like to read about how I totally rocked the Saturday Morning Eggs Benedict cookoff against Doug, click HERE!

(And please leave a comment because he has low blog-esteem and is threatening to quit posting all together.)

I HEART BOOKS

I've started a new blog!
Yes, that's right...being the savvy business woman that I am, I've decided to promote my highly unprofitable business. (Unprofitable, because I spend every thing I make on more books.) Anyway, here it is. I'll update it about once a week. Enjoy!!!
http://ilovekidbooks.blogspot.com/

Quote of the Day

Said by Sammy while hugging both Doug and I:

"HAMMY FUGS!!!"

Translation: "Family hugs!!!"

Penguins

Anyone out there remember Billy Madison? It came out in 1995 but I don't remember seeing it until the summer of 1996. Now, even fans of movies that are admittedly "Dumb Funny" will probably admit that this movie falls more into the "Dumb" category. (You can see what's running through Adam/Billy's mind in the above picture: "Doi duh doi doi doi...") I only vaguely remember certain scenes, ("Nooo...condeetionah is bettah...eet makes the

haiah soft and seelky!") and those not very clearly.

But I do remember there was a very random, very large PENGUIN. Adam Sandler is evidently very drunk and hallucinates about a penguin while laying by the swimming pool. (I think.)

Anyway, the other night I walked around the corner and saw this out of my peripheral vision:

I let out a loud "AHHHHHH!!!"
Can you blame me for being slightly alarmed? I mean, how do I know pregnancy doesn't induce penguin hallucinations? Last I saw this gargantuan art project it was hanging discreetly on the side of the fridge...nowhere near Max's door. (Which doubles as an ever changing art exhibit.)

The lesson here is, if you're going to have giant penguins in the house, warn your wife before changing their location. Give a pregnant girl a break once in awhile!!! (We have weak bladders!)

Sweet Samuel

This evening after Easter Dinner, I snuck out and made a quick trip to the hospital to see my friend Diane who just had her baby*. When I got home, the boys were in bed but Sammers, who took a late nap, was still awake. He must have heard me talking to Doug because he started yelling for me.

Sam: MOOOOMMY!!!
(I walk in the room)

Sam: Dat you Mommy?
--Yeah
Sam: Whewe’d you go?
--I went to see Diane at the hospital.
Sam: NOOOO!
--I’m home now. I’m all done!
(I lay down on the bottom bunk next to him)

Sam: Dat you Mommy?
--Yeah

Sam: You wub my tummy?
--You want me to rub your tummy?
Sam: Yeah.
--Okay!

*"J.J." arrived yesterday weighing 10+ pounds and is adorable with silky black hair and chubby cheeks. Congrats Diane and Steve!!!

Florida Thursday through Sunday

Since writing my last post, the weather has taken a decidedly unSpring-like turn. It's been gray and cloudy and chilly and rainy. This has basically made me lose my desire to accomplish anything, let alone come up with a new blog post. But in an effort to pull myself out of my crappy-weather-induced slump, I've decided not only to post, but to finish posting about my vacation. I figure I need a little reminder of sunshine and blue skies right about now. (And white sand beaches, for that matter.) So, here it is: The rest of our trip. As you can see, we spent a lot of time at Destin Beach. And why not? It was astoundingly beautiful! It was hard for me to believe, even while digging my swollen little toes into the sand, that I was in Florida and not in some far off exotic local. Not only was the sand white, it was incredibly soft and fine. Imagine really fine sugar. Same color, same texture. The boys played for hours and would have slept at the beach if we'd have let them. Max and Beach Dad even made a sand Alligator!The time inbetween trips to the beach was spent in full armor. For Max, Sam and Curtis, at least. Curtis has an awesome weapon collection and Maxwell was in heaven. Since Max got to sleep in the toy room, he was in full armor each morning to greet us. They played Knight-in-Shining-Armor and Pirate alternately. Much emphasis was placed on costume and fancy footwork. Like I said: Heaven! On Saturday we did a few different fun things since Joe wasn't at work and could come with us. First stop was the Eglin Airforce Base Airplane Museum. The bomb below is called "The FAE bomb". Since my mom's name is Fae, and she is most definitely "the Bomb" I thought this was extremely cool.
After the museum, it was time for a special lunch at "Fudpuckers". (Try saying that ten times fast. But not in front of your kids.) The extremely cool thing about Fudpuckers is, surprisingly, not that the name can make you swear, it is that they have a whole pond full of alligators right on sight. You can even attempt to feed the alligators if you spend $3 on a little bag of wannabe meat (the color and texture of a Pink Pearl eraser). You won't have any success, (what sane alligator wants to eat an eraser?) but you may have fun trying to bonk them on the head with the bait. Lunch was great despite our inability to induce a feeding frenzy.
Who knew even MORE fun was to be had in the parking lot!?! As you may recall from this post, Max has three goals in life. Or rather, one goal to acquire three different things. They are all vehicles and he's saving change and birthday dollars in his Pooh-Bear bank for them. They are: A motorcycle, a convertible, and a stretch limousine. (Pronounced "stwehch li-ni-ma-za-neen") Anyway, parked next to us when we were headed to the car was a man just about to leave on his motorcycle. Max walked right up to him and matter-of-factly said "I want a motocycle when I get big!" The driver was evidently impressed and asked if he'd like to climb up for a minute. Max did, and then proceeded to rev the engine very loudly and frighteningly. (Frightening to a reformed-speeder mother with a little boy who really wants a motorcycle when he grows up.) Very nice guy. Very cool for Max.

Of course, our next stop was the beach to play for the last time.

BUT, not the beach you see below. Now we're on to Sunday. Sunday, of course, we went to church. After church we needed something reverent and solemn to do. So we went to another beach. Okay, not really, we actually took a drive to Seaside. This is the extremely perfect town where "The Truman Show" (with Jim Carrey) was filmed.

We walked around a little, but this is as far onto the beach as the boys got before being reined back onto the more righteous sidewalk. It is a BEAUTIFUL and quaint little town and it was really fun to check it out. My only regret was that we couldn't buy ice cream.
Monday morning, we reluctantly started our trek back to Orlando and from there, to Providence. All in all, it was a perfect, PERFECT trip. Thanks to my dad for helping with the first two nights, and then mostly to Angelique and her wonderful husband for pampering us the rest of the trip. It was hard to come home. And we still miss it.

I'm not sure all this reminiscing has improved my mood. Now I have to get back to reality (my unattended children upstairs) and the cold weather.

Thank goodness for vacations!!!!