Lots of Love

My e-mail in-box is out of control. It's constantly full of junk and spam and stuff I think I'll get to later.  It desperately needs to be cleaned out--but, since I have slight hoarder tendencies, I have a hard time throwing things away.  Even virtual things.
(What if I need that 20%-off-at-Michaels coupon for a craft I'm going to start next month but not complete until October 2017?!?! WHAT IF???)

Tonight I opened g-mail to see yet another ad from Old Navy.  Didn't I just get one, like, yesterday???
I typed "Old Navy" into my search box, checked "select all" and deleted 20 Old Navy e-mails.  Safe to say I wont need any of those in the future. I did it again and again until they were all gone.  I thought of what else might be eating up my allotment of Cloud and searched for Target.com.  I clicked "select all" but noticed one of the e-mails wasn't from Target.  It was from my mom.  I clicked it open.

It was my mom responding to a blog post written just before I left Japan. (Somewhere in the post I had mentioned my excessive use of Target.com while overseas.)  We went back and forth talking about my family and my excitement and anxiety surrounding coming back to The States. She praised my writing. She said she was excited to see me again. She reassured me. And she chided me for bagging on my family in the blog post.  ;)

I could hear her voice saying the words. It was like she was still here.
Just on the other end of an e-mail.  Just separated by a plane ride.
She signed the e-mails the same way she always did:
"Lots of Love, Mom xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo"
{One of her Aunties signed letters "Lots of Love" so my mom did too.}

I wonder how many e-mails I have from her?  I want to check.  But I can't check.
Not yet.  Cause then I'll have to read 'em.  And I'm not ready to read 'em.

But it's nice to remember they're there.  With all those x's and o's.
Some things are worth keeping.

Lots of Love Mommy!  Lots and lots and lots of love!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!

P.S.  This is the post she was responding too--if you're curious:  http://actegratuit.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-head-and-my-heart-all-over-place.html

For Aunt Jenny...

Because she's not on Instagram. #LinkyPie

Evil Minion for Halloween 

"Helping" Mommy 

Max happy to be home from 6th grade camp

Sammy reading "You Are My Sunshine"

Date with Mom and Dad

Sunday Nap

Best Christmas Present

Trying to become a thumb sucker

Meeting Santa

Blessing Day

Aunt Laura loves Linc

Midnight antics

Add caption 

Christmas Eve

Questions for My Mom

Every day I think of something I want to ask my mom.  Every single day.  Sometimes the questions are specific to what I'm doing.  A lot of times they're totally random.  And for just a moment, I have a pang of regret that I didn't ask when I had the chance.  But then, usually, I force myself to think of something else and move on with my day.

I've decided to start writing some of my questions down.  I don't know why.  These aren't even memories of her...just things I wish I knew.  And frankly, I can probably get some of the answers from my dad or her siblings.  None-the-less, I wish I could ask HER.

Sometimes, if I do dwell on thoughts of my mom, I'll have a dream about her that night.  And then it's as if I get to spend a little more time with her.  It's hard to wake up from those dreams.


(Starting November 22, 2013)

• What did your mom (Joann) do again?  She was a nurse or training to be a nurse?  Did she work after your mom and dad got married?
• Can you come for Thanksgiving?
• Can't you please just make the Peanut Butter Pies for me this year?
• What did you do when I (the youngest) went to preschool?  What did you do with your time during the day?  How did your life change?
• How did you, a night person, manage to get out of bed before all of us and make a hot breakfast every day?  
• Did you buy/use red or white wheat for your whole wheat bread?
• Where is your chicken noodle soup recipe?
• How did you manage our household so well?  With the exception of the "Art Room" (alternately known as the junk room), it was always pretty darn clean, plus you cooked great healthy meals, plus you clipped coupons, plus you hardly ever yelled.  How did you do it?!?  Why can't I be more like you?!?!?!?
• How did you handle the laundry?  (I remember she would occasionally "go on-strike" if we were throwing too many clean clothes in the hamper--and then we'd have to do our own laundry for a few weeks--but generally she took care of it all.  I do remember I had to fold the wash-cloths when I was very little.)

Christmas:

• Where did you hide the Christmas presents???  (I never found them!)
• How did you determine a Christmas budget for kid gifts?
• What was the best Christmas gift you ever got?
• What was your favorite Christmas?
• How did you keep track of kid presents and who was getting what?  Did you worry about giving the kids equal numbers?  Did we count our gifts like my kids do?  (I do remember there were occasionally gifts that got lost and those I got for my birthday (in February) or if they were really lost, for Easter--like the brass doll cradle! :)
• Why didn't you decorate for Christmas the last few years?!?

That's all I have written down, but I'm sure in the coming days and weeks, I'll have another long list.

This year I bought a small fake Christmas tree and decorated it with all the angel ornaments I own in honor of my Mom.  She collected angels and would have loved it.  (A lot of the ornaments were given to me by my sweet mother-in-law so it reminds me of her too and what an angel SHE is.)  

My favorite new ornament is from Gray's preschool teacher.  It's a photograph of him standing with his hands steepled.  He's cut out and pasted in between two giant foam wings covered in silver glitter with a gold pipe-cleaner halo on top.  The first thing I thought when I saw it was how much my mom would have loved it and that she probably would have stolen it to hang in her house.  

If she were still alive, I would have made an angel of every single one of her grandkids and forced her to get a tree to display all 25--all looking angelic with white foam wings.  (I sure wish she could have met my little angel #25!)  She used to joke when one of the grandkids was being naughty that their halo was slipping a little bit.  Gray's little pipe-cleaner is slipping a LOT.  That would have made her laugh. 

Anyway, the holidays have been hard, and New Year's Eve and Valentines Day wont be any better.  However, I'm grateful for all the happy memories I do have and that I got to have her for 35 years.  I'm grateful for the questions I do have answers to.  

Enough of that though--I promise my next post will be filled with cute pictures of Baby! 

Let me just end with this: if you have any questions for your parent(s), why don't you just go ahead and pick up the phone already!  You wont regret it.  :)  

Happy holidays!!!

Meeting Baby Gray when we visited from Japan

On her (second) wedding day

Meeting Baby Gabe

Swimming with Baby Max at her condo in Springville

Cape Cod with Gabey-Baby--When she visited us in Rhode Island

Grandma Fae LOVED giving babies a bath--Happy Baby Sammy

Irrational (or are they SO rational...) Baby-Related Fears

I think I've been spending too much time alone in my recliner with the baby because I'm getting a little crazy.  Here's what I've been worrying about lately...

I should be worrying he'll fall out of a book case...but I'm not.

• What if I get in a car accident because I'm so tired I'm not paying close enough attention so I pull in front of a car and it slams right into me killing me instantly and leaving my children motherless?  (That's a normal worry, right?)
• What if the little bump on Baby's forehead isn't a harmless cyst?  What if it never goes away?   What if kids tease him about it in elementary school 'cause kids are bratty? What if it's cancer?
• What if the fact that Baby still hasn't made eye contact with me means he's autistic?  Sure, call me crazy (Doug has) but if in seven years we find out I'm right, I'll refer you all back to this post.
• What if after four healthy kids, this is the one who ends up with childhood leukemia?

• What if I slip at the top of the stairs when I'm holding the baby?  Will I be able to hold him up out of harms way even as I plummet downward and land in a crumpled heap at the bottom?  (I think about this pretty much every time I'm at the top of the stairs holding the baby.)
• Is he too attached to the binky?  Is it causing nipple confusion?  Is it messing with his appetite?  (Sub worry:  Is writing "nipple" on my blog going to attract a bunch of weirdos?)
• What if he stops taking the binky and STARTS SUCKING HIS THUMB!  Doug will never forgive him!  (This might be a slight exaggeration, but Doug definitely wouldn't like it.)
• Am I feeding him too much?  Not enough?  Too on-demand?  Not on-demand enough?  Am I ruining his chances of ever sleeping through the night?

• Am I neglecting him because I look at electronics too much while I nurse?  I mean, I give him a lot of attention, I kiss him a LOT, and hold him pretty much non-stop, but am I still too distracted?  I'm inside my own head too much.  I need to talk and sing to him more.
• Is the laptop giving off electromagnetic rays that will give him cancer?
• Is my poor diet making it so he'll never love vegetables?  I read that I should be drinking carrot juice to give him a taste for carrots.  But I hate carrot juice!  Instead I eat chocolate every day.  He'll definitely have a taste for chocolate.
• I should watch fewer sit-coms like The Goldbergs, and more L.D.S. church talks so he grows up to be a prophet instead of a stand-up comedian.

I love this picture though Doug wasn't thrilled with his receding hair line.

• Am I completely neglecting Max, Sam and Gabe?
• Am I spoiling Gray because I'm giving in to him so much because I don't want him to resent Baby?
• Do all of these irrational fears making me completely crazy?  

Well?

Do they???

At least I'm not worried vending machines will become the dominant race.  I have that going for me.  (See Dr. Doofenshmirtz below...)

"I've been alone all these years, with my irrational fears..."

Older Sibling Blues

3.5 weeks later:

Tonight I am upset, (at the big boys)
overwhelmed, (by the noise and messy house)
physically exhausted (bone-weary),
   sad,
fighting off baby blues...

...and then I bury my face in his neck, and smell his perfect smell, and feel his silky smooth skin and wonder how I got lucky enough to be holding a tiny new person in my arms...

...and it's all worth it.

The miserable pregnancy.

The painful delivery.

All of it.

Of course, all that other stuff is still there today--but for a second, none of it matters.  Just him and the perfect folds in his neck.

I love you Baby Lincoln!  

I'm glad you're finally here!!

(Turns out, I was having similar feelings after the arrival of baby Gray and wrote about it here.  I'm actually doing much better this time and give the weather 95% of the credit.)

What's In A [5th] Name?

So I push the baby out and now comes the hard part:  Picking a name.
Each morning we were in the hospital, the birth certificate lady would come in to ask if we'd filled out the paperwork.  Each morning, we'd send her away.
 (And turn off "Castle" and start thinking about names again.)

What's my name?!?

This was NOT an easy process.  We've used up EIGHT names already.  Four first names picked because we like 'em, and four middle names picked because we like 'em and they're family names.

Maxwell Douglas (Maxwell after Neal A. Maxwell and 'cause I like it.  Douglas after his Daddy)
Samuel James (James after Doug's dad and James Clark)
Gabriel David (David after Doug's brother)
Grayson Brandon (Brandon after my brother)

For boy name number five, I was mostly looking for a name that can be shortened (i.e. Max, Sam, Gabe, and Gray) and a name that sounds good with Grayson.  Possibly a name ending with "n".  Also, can't be made up and can't be the number one most popular name in the country.

That's how Lincoln came to be on the list.  Can be shortened to Linc, and ends with same sound as Grayson without being too similar.  (Like Jason.  Sam was REALLY pushing for Jason.)

And this is what we eventually ended up naming him:  Lincoln.

(Much to the dismay of my friend Ginger and sister Laura--neither of whom are fans of the name.  Which is why you never tell people your names until they're officially on a birth certificate!  I'm still laughing at the text I got from Ginger saying "Fine, but I'm going to call him DINKon!")

There were other names on the list, we just couldn't agree on any of them!

Cannon  (unfortunately, "Can" doesn't really stand alone.)
Dallin (Evidently the name of a dumb kid Doug knew in high school.  Plus, it's a nephew name.)
Jacob (Another nephew name.)
and the other two top contenders...
I was really liking Benjamin, but we already have a nephew named Benjamin and evidently it's complete insanity to think of a repeat in the same family!  Never mind they'd be 10 years apart and will probably always live in different states.  Regardless, Doug took Benny-Boy out of the running.

or...
William.  Very frequently repeated throughout Doug's lineage.  BUT, add our last name, and that was just a bit too much alliteration for me.  His name would sound too much like "William Wallace" and I'd have Mel Gibson's Scottish accent in my head for the rest of my life.  Plus, I can't have a Willy or a Billy.  I took William off the list.

At the last possible minute before leaving the hospital, we filled out the paperwork.

Heading home!

We named him (after much angst and deliberation) Lincoln Wesley.  Lincoln, because we like it.  (Or maybe because neither of us hated it?) And 'cause it sounds good with Grayson.  Wesley after two of Doug's very best friends:  One a friend from Japan, one our next door neighbor here.  And 'cause we like it.  (And 'cause a little alliteration is a good thing...!)

We're still not sure if Lincoln is the right name for him.  It's so...grown-up.  Mostly, we still call him Baby.  But at least he has a name.  And we were finally able to finish watching Season 5 of Castle.  So, you know...there's that.

We love you Baby Linc/Lincoln/Linney/LincLinc/LinkyLoo
 (Someone please tell me what to call him!)

P.S.  Thought I should record this somewhere:
Since Max is named after Neal A. Maxwell, he really wanted us to name the baby him Neal.
Sam was hoping for Jason or Ron Weasley.
Gabe wanted Joseph after Joseph Smith.
and Gray wanted Baby Brother.  Which is what he still calls him--Bay-ee Bud-ah.  And what we call him half the time.
I guess Gray wins!

How It All Went Down OR The Arrival of Baby

When I gave birth to Maxwell, almost 12 years ago, my mom was in the room nervously pacing and taking copious notes on every, single, little detail--human, medical, or otherwise.  Doug has since tried to fill her shoes by jotting some notes throughout my subsequent labors/deliveries.  It's a good thing, 'cause once the baby is here a lot of what happened is a big blur.  My sister Laura also added to the list.

[My mom used to admonish my siblings and I to write in our journal's by saying "If you don't write it down, it didn't happen!"  I had forgotten all about that until about ten seconds ago.  It's 2 a.m. and I've just been woken by a squeaky baby wanting to nurse.]

Notes from Doug's Phone...
With a *few* additions from me...

(For the record:  I was supposed to get the Cervadil around 5p.m. Wednesday Sept. 24.  Have that all night.  Get Pitocin in the morning.  Have that all day.  Be delivered by my Dr. sometime Thursday afternoon or evening.) 

Wednesday Sept 25, 2013
5:00 pm checked in for induction
5:03 Em's sense of humor is determined to be missing  (Doug was joking with (at) a nurse who was staring at him blankly.  I was so tense worrying I'd be sent home, I almost punched him.)
5:08 brought to room to begin.
Nurse Danielle
3 new IV tries  (They put the IV into my hand and it was digging into a bone.  Since I knew I'd have it for a few days, I made them take it out and do it again. A few collapsed veins later...)

Giving birth in a gown someone died in yesterday.
Much happier now that I know I get to STAY!

8:00 Swirls brought by Jeff and Laura. Emmy downs a peanut butter/chocolate frozen yogurt with plentiful Reese's peanut butter cups on top.  (No judgement!)
9:20 Moved to new room.  
9:30 Finally gets Cervidel.  (After only 4.5 hours of waiting!!!)
9:45 Jeff and Laura leave so Doug and Emmy can watch an episode of "Castle" and get a good night's sleep! Ha ha.
10:00 contractions coming 4 min apart  (Yep, it started working super duper fast.)
10:30 3 min apart and she asks for epidural
10:37 "why is their pain behind my knees?!"  (Well?  Why?!?)
10:45 50% effaced and 3 centimeters dilated. Things are moving fast. She's in pain and wants an epidural now!!
They are coming fast and not much time in between.
10:45 (Laura) after being home for twenty minutes drove like a bat out of Hades to get back when Em texted me that contractions were 2-3 minutes apart.
11:00 Anesthesiologist is finally here!! Hooray!
11:02 Emily moaning. Sounds just like her mama. (Evidently, just like my mom sounded when she was dying.  A little morbid Laura!)  They are giving the epidural so hopefully she'll be out of pain soon. She's telling anesthesiologist that she has a low pain threshold! In other words, hurry up!!!!
11:10 still working on epidural. (It took a long freaking time and a lot of "pressure" and multiple pokes!  Sorta hard to "hold completely still" when the contractions are coming right on top of each other with no break in between.  And did I mention my VERY LOW PAIN THRESHOLD!?!?!?!)  
Ashlin went to sleep at W's so Doug's mom (Susan) could come to the hospital. She should be here soon.
11:15 pain is lessening already. Yay!  
12:00  Doug and Emily fall fitfully asleep for a few hours.  Laura and Susan wait and pace and freeze in the icy cold room.
315 water breaking?
332 dilated to 9
405 cervix is gone (never did like that cervix!)
Doctor is stuck in OR--says not to push
425 doctor coming  (I think he came and checked on me and then left again.)
429 started pushing
At this point I should mention, every single time a new nurse or Dr. came in, they asked if I had any concerns.  I answered (over and over) "Yes, I'm concerned the cord will be around his neck.  It's happened three times before."  Each time I was reassured that a) someone would check...later or b) they'd be able to tell as things progressed.
As things progressed, I pushed and pushed and pushed.  His little head would come down, and then go back up.  I said, "THE CORD IS PROBABLY AROUND HIS NECK!"  (for the 87th time.)
Around 5:55 a.m., I (FINALLY) pushed his head out.  The Dr. had not yet arrived.  The cord was so tight around his little neck, it had to be cut off.  (As opposed to just unwrapped like on Max, Sam, and Gray.)  I'm told to STOP pushing and wait for the Dr.

6:00 a.m.  The resident Dr. rushes in (not my Dr.) and I push the rest of the baby out.  He is limp and blueish-purple.
Initial Apgar is very low.  2 or 3.  Five minute Apgar is also low but a little better.  Maybe 4?  Laura and Susan are freaking out but trying to stay calm.  Doug and I...well, we're pretty used to it by now.  By 15 minutes he's doing well.  Still a little labored breathing, but color is much better.  Definitely looks beat up with blood shot eyes and lots of bruising on his tiny face.  BUT, otherwise healthy and doing well.  They finally bring him back to me to hold.  He's finally here!!!

Official stats:
8 pounds 12.6 ounces
21.75 inches

Little Bruiser

He started out the color of my nails.  Looking much better at this point a few hours later.
Also, not fond of this nail polish color anymore!

A LOT of Little Boy Things--because I haven't blogged in awhile

Been noticing a few things about how the boys are changing and growing up and thought I better get some written down!

 

Maxwell:  Maximus is officially a tween.  Although he wont be twelve for another two months, I'm noticing some distinctly teenager-ish behaviors that I was hoping we wouldn't have to deal with for a few more years.  He's become an expert sigher and eye-roller.  And if we press too hard, well, he's not afraid to stomp upstairs and just slam the crap out of his bed room door.  He's starting to question his parents previously assumed omniscience and he likes to call us on any and all parental contradiction or hypocrisy.  (No idea where he got THAT from.)  He's making us step-up our game and be more careful as parents.  But mostly he's just driving us nuts.  

First day of school 2013

But then, every once in awhile, he snuggles up next to me, or climbs on to what's left of my lap, and tells me about something he saw or heard or read or did.  And sometimes, when his family is not being too impossibly annoying, he says or does something funny, or laughs with us about something, and I know I haven't lost him to hormones just yet.  There is still a little string of the old, happy Max to hang on to.  I hope it never disappears.  

Max is also growing into himself more as a student.  He usually takes care of his homework as quickly as possible so he can get back to doing something he wants to do.  He misses assignments occasionally, and Dad always goes through his math with him, but he's doing pretty well.  Max's main limiting issue in life at the moment is speed.  He want's to do everything super FAST!  He eats fast, he reads fast, he rushes through his homework as fast as possible.  Sometimes this is okay, like when you ask him to go get dressed and he's back 45 seconds later.  Reading fast gets him through multiple books a week.  But speeding through a math worksheet or reading comprehension assignment generally doesn't serve him well.   So we're working on slowing down a little.  When I was a kid, the thing I heard most from my mom in relation to homework was "Stay on task!" and/or "Put your blinders on!"  (I had a tendency to get distracted easily.  And still do.)  Poor Max will hear "SLOW DOWN" another million and a half times before he gets through school.  But maybe it will eventually sink in and even save him from running (literally running) into so much furniture!  

His other Achilles Heal is sugar.  He's addicted to sugar.  He wants it.  He craves it.  He thinks about it constantly.  For a kid who looks so much like his father, he sure is a lot like me.  I talk to him about healthy choices, about hypoglycemia, about what's happening in his body, about finding a sweet but healthy alternative like fruit.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes he suffers until we leave the vicinity of the kitchen and then finds something to sneak--like chocolate chips or straight up white granulated sugar.  Sometimes we just let him have whatever he's asking for.  Not sure what the right course of action is in this case, but we've determined that unlimited sugar isn't it.  He has no off switch or satiety point.  Any ideas let us know!  Love you Maxer!  

Cute right?  Wrong.  I hate taking all four boys into a store with me!!!  Especially WAL-MART!

Samuel:  Another school year, another set of issues to overcome and hopefully eventually conquer.  Homework trauma being one.  But I have to say, Sweet Sammy is growing up.  He has quite a few things he has to deal with, but slowly and surely, he's figuring them out.  How to not get overwhelmed.  How to respond to his own anger and/or frustration.  So much of what trips up Sammy is in his head.  His own thoughts telling him he can't do something or it's too hard, or too much.  But he's getting better.  And generally, once he gets into a routine, things get even easier for him.  

You're witnessing a miracle right here!

He, like Max, is still a voracious reader and that helps.  If nothing else is going his way (Wii remotes not charged!  Netflix not working!  AND ALL THIS ON THE ONE DAY I'M ALLOWED TO WATCH TV AND PLAY WII!!??!?!?!?!?!)  he still has a good book to fall into.  Plus, happily, somehow he and Max seem to get along really well right now!  They share a room, and it's actually not terrible!  They play a lot of games together.  Chess and Sorry are favorites at the moment.  They listen to Audio Books from the library and build Lego ships and fortresses.  They probably complain about their parents together.  Whatever they have going on, at the moment, it's working for them.  

Sam is also VERY excited for his new baby brother.  He really wanted a sister, but he came to terms with another boy pretty quick.  (A lot quicker than his mother.)  He loves babies and is naturally very nurturing and sweet to little kids and babies.  It's going to be fun to see him with a new baby to love again.  I sure love my Sammy.  He's a great kid.

Gabriel:  Gabey makes us laugh.  He's a TINY bit like Pavlov's dog.  Every night during dinner, usually just after sitting down, Gabe has to go to the bathroom.  

Every.single.night!

And he tells us repeatedly until either Doug or I respond and give him the go ahead.  "I have to go potty.  Can I go potty?  I'm going potty.  Okay?  OKAY?!?"

Every night when I tuck him in and tell him to say his prayer, he starts it, "Heavenly Father..." and then has a yawning attack.  He has to yawn at least two or three times before he can get another single word out.  Every time.  It's pretty funny.  But once he's through the yawning, you should hear his prayers.  He remembers every family member in need.  He prays for Grandmas and Grandpas (even the ones in Heaven) and missionaries.  He prays "please bless Jesus and help me to have good dreams and not nightmares..." (pronounced night-mayos)  He's just a sweet kid.  And speaking of praying, he's the most curious about God, and heaven and religion.  He asks a lot of questions.  He asked me if it was okay to say prayers anytime.  (YES!)  If he had to fold his arms and close his eyes to pray. (Only at night!)  Then a few days later, talking about his day, he said, "I got bored at recess so I just said a prayer.  In my head!"  He's the most out-going of all the boys and makes friends wherever he goes.  His school teacher loves him and so do the moms of his friends.  Gabe is the kid that makes your kid behave better during a playdate.  This is an entirely new thing for a Dub boy! ;)  

Of course, often with sweet and sensitive you get whiney and overly-emotional on the other side.  You do NOT want to deal with a sleep-deprived or overly hungry Gabe.  First grade has been hard on him.  I think it's just super busy and exhausting and his body still hasn't quite adjusted.  So we've had some long, tearful/whine-filled evenings. Reading is also hard for him.  I think we all thought it would come as naturally to him as it did to the big brothers.  But it isn't coming and it's hard for him.  Luckily, he still loves being read to, and he's working hard on reading his own books from school.  I know he'll get there, it's just going to take him longer.  And that's okay.  Gabe's best friend is David, whom he reluctantly shares with Gray.  But he still misses his best buddy Isaac--our neighbor in Japan--and still talks about him and writes him letters.  (Which I may or may not get around to mailing...)  Sometimes they get to talk on Skype when their mothers get it together enough to call at the right times.  Gabey is a sweet, loyal, and loving little kid and we sure like him a lot.

On to Gray:  Gray is a sweet, adorable, little tyrant.  If Gray wants something, he stands in front of the nearest family member and yells at them until said family member gives in and gets him what he wants.  It doesn't normally take long.  He's very persistent.  I think Gray knows there is change coming and I think he doesn't like it.  Over the last few weeks, he's become very clingy to Mommy.  Daddy will not do, and big brothers are DEFINITELY not allowed to help him, talk to him, or touch him if he darn-well doesn't feel like it.  (Sorry big brothers!  No more hugs and kisses for you--better luck with the next kid...)

With the one exception of play-dates with David, Gray wants to be near Mommy at all times even while sleeping,  (he generally stumbles in around 1 a.m. and knows to come right to my side) and while with Mommy, he wants the i-Pad all to himself.  (And NO brothers looking over his shoulder.)  My phone will do in a pinch, but it has no movies, and no Netflix so it is clearly inferior.   

This is a habit we developed mutually when I had morning sickness.  It was how the two of us got through the day.  Unfortunately, I'm over the morning sickness, but Gray isn't giving up the i-Pad.  It's gotten a little out-of-control. He wakes up asking for it and he asks for it until I give in.  And I usually give in.  Sometimes so I can sleep a little longer.  Sometimes so I can shower in peace.  Sometimes to get him to do something like get dressed, or go to preschool, or leave my side.  Sometimes because I just can't take the begging/screaming/crying any more.  

Why yes, the i-Pad is on the table in front of him..

To try to mitigate the i-Pad addiction, and to give him something fun to do in anticipation for new baby stealing all of Mom's time and attention, we recently enrolled him in a little neighborhood preschool program.  It's right up the street and is on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-12.  I really thought he'd love it.  He's only been about 5 times now, but so far, he does NOT love it.  The first day he wouldn't leave my side and we finally left after an hour.  The second day, after being offered all sorts of bribes and incentives, he went happily.  But I think he thought maybe he could be done after that.  Because he hasn't really gone happily since then.  BUT, at least he's still going, and of course, he comes out very happy and proud of his work.  

First (full) day of preschool!

Yesterday, before he left, I told him it was "show-and-tell" day.  He was supposed to bring something that he could do by himself.  As I talked to him I grabbed his toothbrush.  "Want to show your friends you can brush your teeth?"  For some reason, the very idea of public teeth-brushing offended him.  He started yelling "NO!  NO TOOF BWUSH!" and stood in the hall spread-eagled so I wouldn't be able to get past him to his backpack.  I went ahead and put it back in the bathroom.  It was pretty funny.  Not sure if he did anything for show-and-tell yesterday, but he definitely didn't demonstrate his brushing skills.

Gray is going to have his world turned upside down soon.  Hopefully he'll be okay, but I'm a little worried about him.  In the mean time, I'm letting him sleep in my bed and stay next to me constantly and get lots of cuddling in.  Hope it helps, though it might just make the contrast of baby arriving more severe.  Wish us luck with that one.  I sure love my little tyrant Gray.  Hope he loves his baby brother!  If not, I suppose there is always the i-Pad for consolation...we all might need it!