In Which We Go to Jail

The Story of My Life

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Roxanna stands on the doorstep holding Baby Gray while I drag Sam, literally kicking and screaming, to the car.  She's probably thinking I've snapped and that Security Forces is the safest place for all of us.

Max is already in the car. Evidently he figures Sammy is making enough noise for the both of them so he's barely even protested.  Yes, I'm taking Max too.  He may not make as much noise, but he's usually the instigator of their fights.  And like my Mama always used to say, "It takes two to fight."

I stick Sam in the car, close the door, and start walking around to get in.

He opens the door, and sprints, screaming for help, to Roxanna--managing to get his arms around her legs before I get to him.

I detach him, drag him back to the car, and manhandle him in.
Again.

This time I flip down the child lock before closing the van door.  Then rush to the other side to do the same thing before Sammy can make his way past the car seat.

We drive the short distance to Security Forces which is just across the street from the base Burger King.  Max is sitting with his arms folded tightly across his chest glaring at me.  Sam is screaming; "PLEASE! NO MOMMY!  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!  I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!" over and over again.

I talk calmly about anger and choices and how I decided not to make the choice to spank them and am choosing to do this instead.

We arrive and I have to drag Sam inside.  All of the sudden, instead of trying to get away from me, he's clinging to me with all his might.  I look through a glass partition and speak to the first person I see.
"Hi...I'm the one who called......"
(You know, the crazy lady with the out of control kids...?!)

"Yep, come on back Ma'am."

"Ma'am, may I just see your I.D.?"

AHHHHH!!!!  I FORGOT MY I.D.!  I JUST DROVE WITHOUT MY I.D. AND NOW I HAVE TO CONFESS THAT TO THE COP!

"Uh oh...I forgot it.  Sorry..."

(No biggie.  Please say 'No biggie...!!!')

"Okay Ma'am!  I'm just going to need you to get that!  Don't worry, I'll keep these two here with me!"
(Me:  Stunned silence.  No choice.  Must get I.D.!  AHHHH!!!)

"Okay.  I'll be right back."

I am now officially leaving my kids--with cops--at the police station.  If this whole experience wasn't traumatizing enough, now I'm made it 100 times worse.  I run to my car and speed back home.
Pull in, leap out, run inside, grab wallet, back in the car, speed back.
I feel like bursting into tears, but I'm too wound up.  Instead I just keep thinking how I am clearly the WORST.
MOM.
EVER!!!

I go back into the station, back behind the glass partition with the officers and boys are waiting for me and Sam immediately runs to my side and starts to whimper again.

The officer says, "HEY!  What did I tell you!?  No crying!  Come back here. Stand up straight and look at me!!

He then proceeds to lecture both boys in a very stern voice, pausing occasionally to question them on their actions and motives.  He tells them that when grown-ups fight, they get to come here!
Does it look fun to come here?  No it is NOT fun!
They need to respect their mother.
They need to respect each other.
They need to make better choices.
They need to apologize.

"And now I'm going to have Officer Jones* show you the cell!"
He picks up a large key.  The BIGGEST brass key I've ever seen.  It's bigger than my whole hand.  He gives it to Officer Jones who says "Follow me!"

We walk down the hall, through a door and stop in front of one of the cells.
"This is where we put the bad people!"
(Opens cell.)
"Go inside there Sam!"
(Puts Sam inside cell and LOCKS HIM IN.  Speaks through the wire grate window:)
"Do you like it in their Sam?  No?  Then don't make me put you back in here!"
He unlocks the door and lets Sammy out.  

We are all free to go.  I thank the officers and we leave.  Right outside the door, I squat down and give both boys a hug.  Sammy starts crying again and says "Sorry Mommy!"

And we go.

Like I said:
WORST.
MOM.
EVER!!!








*I have no idea what his name and/or rank/title actually is.  Don't remember.