Listen, I know when people ask this question they're not actually looking for the truth. And I TRY to lie--I really do! But somehow the facts just come spewing out! Usually, the first thing I blurt is "Waddle-y". Which draws blank stares. So then I have to expound. "Oh, ya know...my hip joints just hurt so it's hard to walk. And sit down. And stand up. Plus my feet really hurt...um...'cause...my arches are falling...." *oversharing! I start to mumble and trail off...* "so I'm just tired and sorta waddle-y..."
"Well!" he or she will say, "At least you're at the end, right?!?" (sometimes followed by) "It looks like you're ready to pop!!" I should just nod and walk off at this point--save us both some pain. But again, that darn verbal diarrhea just can't be contained. "Actually, I still have..." (This exact conversation has been happening for at least the last two months so insert the appropriate number of weeks. Currently it's...) "seven weeks!" *awkward pause or perhaps "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" Yep. I'm sure.* I power on: "My actual due date is Oct. 1st but my OB said she'd induce me a week early. 'Cause I have such big babies..." *start trailing off again...*
This conversation could potentially go on for an hour.
When all they wanted to hear was "I'm fine!!!"
In other news, I had an OB appointment on Wednesday after not having gone in for a month. (She cancelled my last check because she was doing an emergency c-section. Am I over-sharing again?)
First off, I'm officially the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life. More than I've weighed full-term with any other boy. I currently weigh
(sucker. I'm not posting that.)
much more than I should. Fortunately, she hasn't bothered to lecture me about it. (Maybe she can sense I'm just barely hanging on to my sanity at this point!)
Anyway, as she was feeling around my stomach, she couldn't quite figure out where the head was/is. So she decided to do a quick ultra-sound and pulled the machine into the room.
Turns out, his head (he has a very cute little face, btw) is on my left side and his feet are on my right side. In other words, he's not head down yet. At 33 weeks, this isn't a huge deal, but she'd like him to flip asap. So she starts to tell me how other women have been successful getting their babies head down. "You can put your feet on the couch and your hands down on the floor..." (me=baffled) "or you could try walking your feet up the wall..." Again, I'm just sitting there trying to imagine how I could do anything of the kind when I barely got myself into and out of the car to make it to this appointment. I can barely keep my balance in an upright position and she wants me to turn my self upside down. Or get my feet behind me and above my head?!?!
"Anyway, sometimes the baby will flip if you do that..."
He's just gonna have to work this one out on his own...
The appointment goes on and I ask her about the induction. Can I still be induced a week early? "Yes, we'll plan on that. It looks like the baby currently weighs...(consults ultrasound machine) 5lbs. 8oz. That's the 98%. How much did he weigh?" (points at Gray who accompanies me to all my appts.) "He was over 9 pounds at a week early." "Yes, it looks like this baby is on track to be about the same..."
"Unfortunately, they wont let us induce any earlier than one week..."
me=*sobbing on the inside*
So there you go.
THAT is how I REALLY am.
Or, ya know...